Page 115 of Sawyer

“I’ll take what you can give me. Look.” Rocking his hips, he pulls out of me. “Look how much I want you.”

Together, we look down. His cum leaks out of me in a pearlescent stream.

The sight is lewd. And so hot, so weirdlyemotional, I feel my throat closing in again.

“I like the look of me between your legs.” He swipes his first two fingers through my slit, gathering his cum on his fingertips. “The feel of me. Do you?”

“Sawyer—”

“You can’t tell me you don’t.” He paints my nipple with his cum. “I wanna be everywhere, Ava. All over you, every morning and every night. Once a day ain’t nearly enough.”

I swallow, hard. “It’s not.”

“So let me have you, pretty girl.” He leans in to kiss my mouth. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

* * *

I walk Sawyer and Ella out, and then I put Junie to bed. The kitchen is already clean. The dishwasher is already running.

So I put on my jammies, climb into bed, and promptly burst into tears.

I feel shaky. Like I can’t calm down or control my wild heartbeat. My wild thoughts.

Ones like,oh God I’m in love againandhow the hell is this so good so soon?

I knew getting divorced was the right call. I knew I’d never be happy if I lived a life of self-betrayal. But part of me still saw ending my marriage as a tragedy. How could raising my baby in a broken home be a net positive?

But now I have a true, deep understanding of the fact that raising June in an unhappy home would be worse. Mostly because I see what a happy home—a happy relationship—couldlook like with Sawyer.

Do I trust him to stay true to the man I know him to be? Can I trust him to always respect my freedom?

Even if I’m able to trust him, I still don’t want to be his wife. And I’m not sure it’s fair of me to ask him to compromise on that. If he wants to get married, he should be able to get married. Everyone deserves to be happy. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew my version of happiness came at the expense of Sawyer’s.

I curl up into a ball and cry the kind of cry you feel in your chest. I wish I knew how to have the freedom I crave while also being in a relationship, but I don’t.

How do I face Sawyer again, knowing I can’t give him what he wants?

How do I even talk to him about any of this? Yeah, we talked about wanting different things that night we went on our first official date. But now it’s time to move beyond that.

It’s time to make a choice. And I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.

CHAPTER27

Ava

BAGGAGE

Despite our jam-packedschedules and my very real misgivings about the future of our relationship, Sawyer and I see each other every day that week.

I guess neither of us can stay away.

After preschool drop-off, I sneak over to his place for chocolate-flavored coffee and some very hot shower sex on Monday.

Sawyer has Junie and I over for taco night Tuesday.

We meet up again on Wednesday after drop-off. I have a lesson I need to get to, so we end up having an athletic round of sixty-nining in the bed of his truck just off Main Street. I’m the one who suggested the location. And Sawyer, being the excellent human being he was, enthusiastically honored my exhibitionist streak.

Thursday, I have Sawyer and Ella over for chicken potpie. I use Ina Garten’s recipe, and it’s a huge hit all around.

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