Page 117 of Sawyer

To be honest, I’m not sure what I’d fill him inon. Sawyer and I went from one-night stand to parent friends to way more than that in such a short amount of time. I guess part of me didn’t want to jinx it.

I didn’t want to stir the pot unless I had to. I knew Dan would react this way. It would’ve been better for him to find out tomorrow, after he dropped Junie back off. That way, he could go off and pout on his own without it ruining everyone’s weekend.

And then I think,wait a second.I don’t need to babysit his feelings or justify myself to him. He’d never justify himself to me, even when we were married. I’ve always made good choices when it comes to our daughter, and he has absolutely no reason to think I’d ever put her in harm’s way.

I’m just—Jesus, I’m so damn tired of this dance of ours. He gets upset. I bend over backward to keep the peace. Prevent an explosion.

This is how the erasure happens.

This is how I lost myself. Buried my voice. My opinions. Myself.

My God, this would never happen with Sawyer, would it?He’d never talk to me this way. He’d never make me feel stupid, or small.

“Did Mr. Sawyer come on a date here?” Dan asks.

“Hey, June?” I say, pulse throbbing in my ears. “Why don’t you go get your Kindle from your bag right there on the table? I’m just going to speak with your daddy real quick.”

Thank God Junie agrees, grabbing the tablet and disappearing into the living room.

“What the fuck, Ava?” Dan asks, eyes wide. “You bring a stranger around my kid and you don’t tell me about it?”

I refuse to let Dan ruffle my feathers. I know he’s just trying to get a rise out of me. Trying to make me feel bad with this whole guilt-trip bullshit.

But letting that shit go is easier said than done. My heart is pounding.

“Keep your voice down, please,” I reply. “And Sawyer is not a stranger. Junie made a friend in school. Her name is Ella, and Sawyer is her dad. Yes, he’s met Junie, and yes, we’ve been on some dates. It’s all very new, which is why I haven’t told you. He’s kind and patient, and he’s very good to us both.”

Dan’s expression twists, and so does my chest.

“You gotta be kidding me.”

“What’s the real problem here, Dan? Just say it so we can move on.”

“Why, because you have a date with this guy?”

I feel my anxiety continue to rise, alongside my exhaustion. I’m so sick of having to be the adult in the room.

So tired of pretending this dance of ours is in any way tolerable or acceptable. This man will never learn. He’ll never change.

“That’s none of your business,” I manage, emotion rising in my throat despite my attempts to stay calm.

“It damn sure is my business if he’s hanging around my daughter.”

I blink back the sting in my eyes. Iwillnot cry in front of Dan.

I refuse to let him have the upper hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sawyer, Dan. Like I said, he’s a really good guy, and Junie enjoys his company. I wouldn’t bring him around if I thought he’d be a problem. He’s a single dad—Ella’s only parent—so Junie would’ve met him regardless of whether he and I were dating.”

“But you are dating.”

“Yes.” I roll my eyes, nearly choking on my frustration. “I’m allowed to date people, Dan. I’m sure you’re dating too, which is great.”

“You have some nerve being annoyed with me whenyou’rethe one in the wrong. Sure, I date, but I never bring anyone home when June’s around.”

There it is: the insinuation that I’m somehow defective. Improper.Wrong.

I clench my jaw. “Easy for you to say when you only have her two weekends a month.”

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