Page 141 of Sawyer

“I try,” I say, and I mean that literally.

The longer I’m alive, the more I realize how important trying is. Screw talent. Screw words. I’m never gonna be the smartest or most accomplished guy in the room. But I am gonna try my damnedest to keep my people safe. I’m also going to let them keep me safe too.

Half an hour later, I climb in my truck and head down Highway 21 toward town. The weather’s warming up, so I crack my windows and sing along to the radio at the top of my lungs.

But seriously, who am I?

Since when am I the guy who fucking sings in my car on a Sunday afternoon?

I slow down when I hit downtown Hartsville. The grocery store is a little ways past the busiest stretch of Main Street, which isn’t busy at all right now. A few people mill around on the sidewalks, ducking into the Caffeinated Cowgirl or The Rattler for Tallulah’s famous bloody Mary bar.

I smile when I see a cute couple strolling past the library, their hands clasped between them.

Before, seeing people be all lovey-dovey like this would’ve made my chest tight.Why not me, I’d wonder.Why can’t I find my person?

Now I’m just happy for these people, whoever they are. My heart bursts with gratitude that shit’s finally happening for me. All the mistakes, the doubts and fears that kept me up at night—they led me here.

They led me to Ava. I’ll never take that stroke of luck for granted.

Out of habit, I slow down at the crosswalk, even though this part of Main Street is quiet. Satisfied that the coast is clear, I hit the gas and glance in my rearview mirror at that lovey-dovey couple one last time.

Bet Ava and I are that fucking cute too. Maybe even as sickeningly cute as Mollie and Cash, and Sally and Wyatt.

Turning my gaze back to the windshield, my stomach plummets when I see a little boy in a striped shirt dart out into the road. I hear his mother’s panicked scream just as I jam on the brakes and yank the wheel as hard as I can to the right.

Everything inside me heaves as my truck skids across the pavement, the tires making this terrible screeching sound. The mother—I think it’s the mother—darts out into the street too.

Oh God oh God this can’t be happening again.

Mom and Dad. The car not stopping. Is this what they felt when they realized it was too late?

My tires catch on the curb, and my stomach lurches into my throat as the truck goes airborne.

Please, God, don’t let me die now. Not when shit’s just getting good.

There’s a scream.

Then everything goes black.

CHAPTER33

Sawyer

EMERGENCY CONTACT

I have the wildest dreams.

Everyone is in them. I hear Wheeler’s voice. She sounds strangely subdued. Duke is there too, asking her if she’s feeling okay. She asks for a trash can. There’s a beep.

My hands are warm. I hear Ava’s voice now. She’s singing a song fromThe Little Mermaid. Softly, softly.

I hope she has Ella. Elly Belly Boo, she loves you, she’ll take care of you.

Is Junie here? I don’t hear her, but I need to get it together so I can make it to drop-off.

Fuck Dan.

My head is fucking killing me.

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