Page 142 of Sawyer

At one point, I think I wake up. Pain slams into me like a freight train. There’s a searing pain in my side. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, holyshitI’m going to die, aren’t I?

Ava’s voice again. A sense of deep, deep calm comes over me.

Who is taking care of Mule?

I’m dying of thirst. My torso lights up with pain every time I breathe. It’s my ribs, I think. My lungs too. My bottom lip has its own heartbeat.

Bits and pieces of the car accident come back to me with startling, terrifying clarity. Did it actually happen? Am I still dreaming? Whose scream was that? I think it was mine, but I’m not sure I’d ever made a sound like that before.

What happened to that little boy? What about his mom? Did I hit them?

Oh, God, please let them be okay. I did everything I could to avoid hitting them, right?

Mom shows up in my dream. She’s holding hands with Dad. They look very young, but they’re cute together. Tender, the way Ava is tender with me.

My handsome boy, Mom says, gently running her fingertips through my hair.You need your rest. Try to sleep. You’ll wake up when you’re ready.

Ready for what?I want to ask her.

Also, who is going to grill that chicken for the girls tonight? I need to wake up, get going. I also need to remember to put those strawberries I cut up into Junie’s lunch box. The metal insert for it was still in the dishwasher when I left.

Searing pain slices through my skull. I make a strangled noise, but that just makes the burn in my throat worse.

I hope Ella isn’t a total nightmare getting ready for school.

I’m so proud of Ava. I wish I could see her. I’m scared and I’m hurting and I just want her here.

She’s my person. Weird if I ask her to be my emergency contact?

Nah. I can just picture her smile when she shakes her head and says,Of course I’m your emergency contact, cowboy.

Now I’m the one smiling. My lip lights up with pain, but I don’t care.

She’s here.

Somehow, I know Ava is here. Maybe because my hands are so warm. And thatLittle Mermaidsong I keep hearing—I have to laugh. The girls sing it nonstop in the bathtub together, their off-key rendition reducing Ava and me to stitches.

Our little family. I love us, and I will forever be pissed at God or the universe or whoever is in charge if I’m taken away from them.

A tingling sensation works its way down my spine and through the rest of my body. The pain in my head and side lessens. The song and the dreams stop.

But the warmth in my hands—that stays.

* * *

“Now that he’s out of the ICU, we’ll just keep an eye on him for the next few days. Once we can take out that chest tube, he’ll likely be discharged the following day.”

It’s a voice I don’t recognize. A woman with an accent I can’t place.

The voice that replies? I smile just hearing it, making my bottom lip burn.

She really is here.

“How much pain is he in?” Ava asks.

A fuck ton, I want to answer. My head is still killing me, so much so that I can’t open my eyes. My lip hurts, and my side is sore as hell.

But apparently I’m still alive, so I’ll take the pain.

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