Page 75 of Sawyer

I hired Mrs. Sherman’s teaching assistant, Miss Caroline, to watch Ella during the week when she’s not in school. Since Caroline only teaches in the mornings (school runs from nine a.m. until twelve thirty), she’ll take Ella home and stay at my house until four o’clock. Which, judging by the angle of the sun, is fast approaching.

My arms are sore. My back is killing me. I’ve been fighting these blue balls all day. I have a long evening ahead. When I get home, I need to make dinner, do bath time, read thirty-eight books, and then hopefully put Ella to bed. Then I’ll clean up from dinner, pick up the playroom, change the laundry …

Never mind the fact that Ella is either cranky or wound up or both this time of day. Hell, I’m usually cranky too.

But today—I don’t know, I keep fighting the urge to smile, even as my balls ache and my brothers rib me.

Only four and a half hours until I can take care of this horrid half chub.

“I was fine.” I pretend to busy myself with some nearby riding tack. “For the record, I did ask her out.”

“She’s too good for you,” Cash grunts as he walks into the room.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Thanks, dick.”

“You have to know that’s a joke. How many times we gotta tell you thatyou’retoo good for, well, everyone?” He drops his saddle onto its rack and wipes his hands. “So, whatcha thinking? You gonna take her to The Rattler?”

The Rattler is Hartsville’s one and only dive bar. There’s a very good chance that Mollie and Cash had sex in the bathroom there. Wyatt and Sally made eyes at each other across the bar for years before finally getting together on the dance floor.

In short, the Rivers family has a lot of history at that place. While I love and respect The Rattler as the timeless institution it is, the bar doesn’t seem right for my first real date with Ava.

I shake my head. “Met her at a honky-tonk, so we’ve done that scene. I wanna do something different. Something … special.”

“Happy for you, brother. I know this is a big deal for you—being into someone enough to want to pull out the stops. Just gotta make sure you play your cards right.” Wyatt crosses his arms and leans his shoulder against the wall. “And you know you need to let one of us babysit Ella at night—maybe all night—if you want to make that happen, right?”

I remember Ava’s words.I want to help, so let me.

She clearly lets other people help her, and her village seems a lot bigger and more vibrant than mine. She’s part of a safety net, but she’s notthesafety net. Which I think explains why she’s so much goddamn fun. There’s a lightness to her, an ease I fucking adore.

I’m wondering if my instinct to take life so seriously is part of why I’m so run-down. I’ve always felt this need to run around with my arms outstretched, on alert in case anyone falls, in case anyone needs me. I love my people, and I want to be there for them. Show up for them.

Save them, because I love them too fiercely to see them suffer.

But maybe I need to let people just … do their thing, so I can do mine. As we’ve gotten older, my brothers have proven themselves to be capable adult humans.

Maybe they don’t need me to save them.

Maybe I never really had the power to prevent their suffering in the first place. Maybe I’ve suffered enough trying to fulfill a role no one asked me to take on.

“Didn’t Ella run you ragged while we were in Austin?” I still ask.

Wyatt shrugs. “I caught up on sleep after she left. We survived.”

“Mollie and I are happy to babysit Ella,” Cash says. “Got plenty of room at the house, and it’ll be good practice for us.”

Mollie got pregnant on their honeymoon back in the fall. She’s due this summer, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that Ella’s finally getting a cousin.

I nod, emotion clogging my windpipe. “I just might take you up on that. Thank you.”

Ryder lets out a low whistle. “You really do got it bad if you’re letting us help out with Ella not once, but twice now.”

“Is a picnic date cheesy?” I ask. “Supposed to warm up later this week.”

Duke shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s cheesy at all. You know I love any excuse to get out of town. And I bet Patsy will help you make a spread of food.”

“Patsyisthe best,” Cash says.

Patsy is Lucky River Ranch’s chef—best in the business—and our adopted mother figure. She’s kind and patient, but she’s also not afraid to tell it like it is.

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