Page 80 of Sawyer

Following Mollie down a flagstone hallway, I can’t help but grin at her adorable little waddle. Sally told me Mollie and Cash had quite the whirlwind romance. Apparently they had absolutely hated each other when they first met, but two months later, they were engaged. Two months after that, they were married, and now they’re expecting.

I definitely feel a pang of …somethingseeing her cute little baby bump. I didn’t love being pregnant. But I do love having siblings, and I always thought I’d have more than one kid for that reason.

Now, though? I’m not sure I could go through all that again. Babies really make you aware of the deficiencies in your marriage. The things you could sweep under the rug before—the shit you convinced yourself you could tolerate—is no longer tolerable with a tiny new human in the mix.

Before June was born, I was able to keep the house clean and cook all our meals and still have time left over for myself. But once I was up three times a night to nurse while also changing a truly shocking amount of diapers,andwashing pump parts multiple times a day,andtaking June to all her appointments at the pediatrician, I had zero time to do anything remotely fun or enjoyable.

Dan, meanwhile, was able to continue watching his football. He still played golf every Saturday. He slept through the night and returned to his job five days after June was born, tired but able to function.

It became painfully apparent how unequal our marriage was. When Dan refused to even the scales, I knew I had to leave or I’d drown in resentment and rage.

That being said, I really would love to give Junie a sibling. A sister, if I could choose. Sometimes I feel a tremendous amount of guilt knowing that probably isn’t going to happen.

Sometimes, like now, that guilt feels a lot like grief.

But I didn’t come here to wallow in sadness over the things I’d lost or might never have. I’m here to celebrate my wins. And there have been a lot of them lately—Junie’s having an awesome first week of school, work is going well, and we’re slowly but surely establishing our “village,” as Sawyer called it, here in Hartsville.

So when he asked me out to dinner, I figured I’d treat myself to new boots to wear on our date. I’d admired Sally’s pair of Bellamy Brooks cowboy boots for months now. She set up a date for Mollie and me to meet so I could pick out my own pair.

“I hear you have a hot date with Sawyer.” Mollie turns, and we enter a large room with soaring ceilings and windows that overlook a grove of huge oak and sycamore trees. “We’re thrilled he’s finally putting himself out there. He’s such a great guy.”

I’m not surprised Sawyer keeps mostly to himself. Iamsurprised he hasn’t been approached by more single, lonely preschool moms like myself.

“He really is,” I say. “I’m not sure I’ve ever met a guy who’s so … thoughtful. And kind. And generous. And, yeah, hot.”

Mollie laughs, turning on the lights. “Cowboys, man. They’re a whole different breed, aren’t they?”

“Truly.”

“So do you have any idea what you’re looking for?” Mollie gestures to the far wall, where racks and racks of the most beautiful cowboy boots I’ve ever seen are stacked almost to the ceiling. “You want practical? Fancy? Colorful, or maybe more classic?”

The breath leaves my lungs as I cross the room to get a better look at the boots. “Can I have one of everything, please? Mollie, these are exquisite.”

“Thank you.” The pride in her eyes is obvious as she runs a hand over a metallic purple pair of tall boots. “We’re really proud of what we’ve built.”

“Hell yeah we are! So this must be the gal who caught Sawyer’s eye.”

Turning, I see a petite red head enter the room. She’s holding an open laptop on her arm, and she’s wearing one of those thick knotted headbands that would look ridiculous on me but is absolutely adorable on her. It matches the red suede boots she’s wearing, which are trimmed with a line of fluffy red feathers down the side.

“I’m Wheeler, Mollie’s business partner and true soulmate. Don’t tell Cash.” She crosses the room to hold out her hand. “I’ve already heard so much about you, Ava.”

“You have?” I laugh, my face flushing with heat.Sawyer’s been talking about me?So has Sally? I’m more flattered than I should be. “It’s nice to meet you, Wheeler.”

“It’s actually really cute how obsessed Sawyer is with you.” She sets down the laptop on a nearby desk. “He’s so freaking excited for your date, I can’t even begin to tell you. Actually, he won’t stop telling all of us about it.”

Grinning, Mollie shakes her head. “He wants everything to be perfect. I hope y’all have the best time.”

“I hope y’all knock boots,” Wheeler adds. “Preferably while you’re wearing a pair of ours. Which ones do you like?”

“All of them.” I put my hand on the almond-shaped toe of an ivory pair. “I’m in love with these. Weird if I say I’m kind of in love with y’all too?”

But I’m definitely, unequivocallynotin love with Sawyer. I like him, yes. So,somuch. That alone is terrifying. I can’t think about anything beyond that without my vital organs doing several unpleasant backflips, the kind that happen when you hit unexpected turbulence on a plane.

But this thing with Sawyer, whatever it turns out to be, is a hell of a lot of fun right now. How could I not enjoy the freedom he gives me to just be myself? The more I think about it, the more the realization crystallizes that I never had this much fun with Dan.

He never embraced my free-spirited side the way Sawyer does.

Wheeler loops her arm through mine. “The way you’ve lit Sawyer up, I think we’re all a little in love with you.”

---