Page 96 of Sawyer

“Oh, I know.”

“But better. Now here I am.” She holds out an arm. “I can honestly say I’m happier than I’ve been since before I got married. But Lord, it was abrokenroad that led me here.”

I squeeze her knee. “It led you to me.”

She searches my face. “How can we have such great chemistry when we want totally different things?”

“Do we want different things?” I resist the urge to refill my wine. Ava can drink all she wants, but I gotta drive. “Ever think it’s not marriage that’s the problem, but the guy you were married to?”

She tilts her head back and forth. “Yes and no. Dan was a shitty partner, no doubt about that. But I also think we’re all socialized to take on shitty roles without realizing it. No one talks about these things, but we live them day in and day out. Minute by minute. It’s really hard to undo all that conditioning. I’m not sure if it will be any different in a relationship where you’re not signing marriage papers. I hope it will be, but …”

“Do y’all split custody?”

“We do. Well, we’re supposed to. I have June during the week, and he’ll come grab her every other weekend. It’s about all he can handle, even though his parents help him out a lot when he has her.”

I slide my hand up her thigh. “I would die if I only saw Ella every other weekend.”

“I know you would.” She meets my eyes. “Most guys aren’t like you, Sawyer.”

“Maybe that conditioning you were talkin’ about didn’t work so well on me.”

“Maybe.” She searches my gaze, leaning in so her mouth is inches from mine. “Or maybe you’re just trying really hard to get laid.”

My eyes flick to her lips. “You’re distracting me.”

“Is it working?”

“You’re one hell of a distraction, Ava. Of course it’s working. I just wish you’d let me pick your brain a little more about all this.”

She extends her legs and lies down beside me. I roll onto my back and she cuddles up next to me, putting her head on my chest.

Above us, the sky is a clear, cold blanket of stars. Nothing quite like the show Mother Nature puts on out here in Hill Country.

“Start by telling me about you,” she says softly, drawing her fingertip across my sternum.

CHAPTER23

Ava

LIFESAVER

I hearthe rapid beat of Sawyer’s heart as his chest rises and falls on a deep inhale.

Is he nervous?Why? I hope he knows I’d never judge him for what he says. I’d like to think that by now he trusts me the way I trust him.

Or maybe he’s still processing the jarring realization that he and I have very different visions of what happily ever after looks like.

To be honest, I have no idea how to approach that mismatch. Should I even approach it at all? Seems way too serious to be talking about stuff like custody and marriage on a first date.

Then again, this isn’t a typical first date with the typical guys I saw after my divorce. Really, I feel like Sawyer and I have been on several dates at this point. I’m glad we’re getting to know each other on a deeper level. Glad we’re talking about shit that’s real, even if it does hurt a little knowing there’s a good chance we won’t end up together.

Because even though I know, rationally, that Sawyer deserves someone who’s less jaded and more open than I am, I can’t help but feel that we’re good for each other.

At least,Ifeel good when we’re together. I feel light and free and happy. I feel likemyself.Right now in particular, I feel warm, the heat of the fire at my feet paling in comparison to the heat of Sawyer’s body that seeps through my clothes and fills my skin with this starry, buzzy rush.

The guy really is a furnace.

I just don’t know what to do with the fact that he wants the wife and the white picket fence. I have no interest in any of that.

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