Page 97 of Sawyer

I am, however, very interested in hearing his story.

So I keep tracing designs across his chest as I wait for him to start talking.

At last, he presses a kiss to the crown of my head, looping an arm around my shoulders before gathering me against him. It’s his turn to trail his fingertips over my arm, the motion quiet, almost absent. It still makes my skin break out in goose bumps beneath the layers of my jacket and sweater.

“Lizzie and I also knew each other in high school. We were really good friends back then. She was there for me when my parents died?—”

“You were sixteen, right?”

“Yep.”

My heart plummets. “Sawyer. Wow. I’m so sorry. You were still a kid.”

“I was, yeah.” His swallow is audible. “Long story short, Lizzie and I always had this bond after that. The chemistry was never really there, but as we got older, I think we got bored and tried to convince ourselves that we could make our own chemistry. Hartsville is a small place. Neither of us had many options after we graduated. I was working on the ranch—everyone there was a dude back then—and she was trying to make it as a singer, so we started fooling around on and off. We never dated or anything. It was more of a friends-with-benefits situation.”

“And you kept waiting for it to turn into more.”

“Exactly. Neither of us could bring ourselves to commit, though. Then Lizzie got pregnant. We were both twenty-five, and for us … life wasn’t panning out how we’d hoped. So we thought, hey, maybe this is a sign from the universe that we should have this baby and be together. Start a whole new life as a family.”

My chest literally hurts when I think about what comes next. “I remember thinking that a baby would fix things.”

Sawyer scoffs. “We were stupid.”

“We were young and hopeful. Big difference.”

“Either way, it became apparent pretty damn quick that Lizzie and I weren’t meant to be together. Ella was well on her way by that point, so Liz and I decided we’d co-parent as friends. That’s been our arrangement ever since.”

“So y’all share custody, too.”

“Kind of.” He hesitates. “Her career started to take off not long after Ella was born. She’s actually touring with some pretty big names in country music right now. It was an opportunity I wouldn’t let her turn down.”

“Of course you didn’t,” I say, my own heart beginning to pound.

Sawyer is decent to a fault. Even when it leaves him holding the proverbial bag.

“So, yeah, I’ve been on my own with Ella for the past year,” he continues, reading my thoughts. “Even before then, I was always the primary parent. Lizzie … her home life growing up wasn’t the best. Her family’s still a mess. We decided it was best that Ella live with me. Which I love. I always wanted to be a dad. I just—yeah, wish I didn’t have to do it alone.” He sniffles.

I flatten my palm over Sawyer’s heart, the sting in my eyes almost too much to bear. “Oh, honey.”

“It’s fine.” He reaches up to wipe his eyes. “Ella really did change my life for the better.”

“You’re an incredible dad.”

“Thank you.” He curls my hair behind my ear. “But now I’m almost thirty and—wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud?—”

“This is gonna be juicy, isn’t it?” I ask with a smile.

He laughs, a rumble that sends sparks flying down my spine. “You really wanna know?”

“I really wanna know.”

His fingers go still on my cheek. “Ava, I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love.”

It’s all I can do not to gasp. “Really?”

“Really. I’m worried—sometimes I think I’m gonna die without knowing what that’s like, falling for someone so completely that it takes over your life. I’ve always believed that kind of love—the kind my parents had—is what makes life living. Now, the love I have for my daughter—that’s its own thing. Deep and wonderful and just, yeah, mind-blowing in its own way. But I still feel like something’s missing. I want to commit to someone.” He pauses. “I want someone to commit to me. None of that wishy-washy bullshit I’ve experienced in the past. I want the real deal—in sickness, health, all of it. I’m ready, Ava.”

My heart cramps. What a beautiful thought.

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