Page 16 of Fallen

Talon’s warm mouth sealed over his. Alex should be disgusted, but a shiver of delight quaked through him instead. If he was stuck here with Talon anyway, why not let himself enjoy this little fantasy? It wasn’t hurting anyone. Perhaps he was so lonely he’d subconsciously latched onto the demon for some reason. It wasn’t exactly his fault, was it? He couldn’t control his dreams. He might as well go with it.

He tilted his head, opening his mouth to let Talon in. Everything but Talon went hazy and unfocused. Nothing else existed but where their bodies touched, and Alex pressed closer, needing an anchor. His hands slipped under Talon’s leather jacket, finding a satin lining. He’d once tried on a leather jacket in an outlet store that had a satin lining. So this had to be a dream, right? The sensations he felt here were cobbled together from old memories.

Yes, that had to be it.

Talon parted from him with a wet sound. “Don’t worry, little bird. You’re perfectly safe here.”

Yes, that was it. Just a memory.

Waiting was hell.

He constantly had to remind himself thatTalonsaid he’d text when he found something, and he steadfastly refused to text the demon again without prompting. The last thing he wanted was for Talon to think helikedhim, and the prospect of being in contact with him after the private intimacy of his dreams never failed to bring a flush to his face. The dreams had become a nightly thing, and he didn’t know what to make of it. He kept waiting for them to stop, to fade away and for the nightmares to return, but so far, without fail, Talon appeared every night. And when he did, Alex slept peacefully.

God help him, he was beginning tohopehe would see Talon when he closed his eyes. He wassafewith Talon. How messed up was he, that his subconscious mind assigned a demon as his protector against the nightmarish memories of his past? What happened to his faith? Had he completely ignored all of those Sunday sermons about trusting in God?

Yes, he thought viciously. Trust in the God that let his family die. Trust in the God that led him here, to a guild that promised him revenge and then yanked it away when it suited them. They were the ones who’d lied to him, the supposedly God-fearing and trustworthy, not the demon.

Guilt cut as sharply as a blade. It was a sin to even think these thoughts.

For a moment, he considered going to Father Hawley and confessing, at least to the dreams. But he didn’t know how to put into words the inexplicable feeling of safety he felt when he saw the halfling in his dreams. Hawley would think he was crazy. They would probably suspend him from duty until the dreams stopped, and his training drills and nightly patrols were the only things keeping him sane. Or sane-ish, anyway.

Two weeks after his ill-advised visit to In Extremis, he found himself at the guild for another night of patrols. He met Nathan waiting for the rest of the squad in the foyer of the administrative building as usual. The crystal chandelier overhead cast the space in a warm, golden glow, and he caught a whiff of coffee. He’d avoided his captain since he’d been ordered to stand down, and now he fidgeted, uncertain what to say or do. The silence between them felt oppressive.

“How have you been, Alex?” Nathan finally asked, angling toward him.

One corner of his mouth lifted. “Fine, I guess.”

Nathan studied him, and Alex fought the urge to squirm.

“I’ve been better,” he confessed. He trusted Nathan—maybe not enough to tell him about Talon or the dreams, but enough to vent his frustrations. Maybe doing so would help him get over whatever was causing him to dream about the demon. “I’m doing what I’m supposed to, don’t worry. But…” He shook his head. He didn’t like lying. “It just doesn’t feel like my family will actually get justice if someone else kills the demon that took them from me. I know that’s not right. I know it’s stupid. The demon will still be dead, and that should be enough. I’m just struggling to remember that.”

Nathan nodded seriously. “Thank you for telling me. And thank you for trying. I know it’s hard to let something like this go. We’re asking a lot from you.”

It was more than that, really. It was the fact they’d promised him revenge and then taken it away. He opened his mouth to try and explain it, but then Aidan barreled in through the door behind Alex. Nathan offered Aidan a greeting, and Alex clamped his mouth shut, offering Aidan a weak smile.

Soon enough, the rest of them trickled in, and they were off. He gave William the passenger seat, opting to sit in the back with Aidan instead. Aidan was quiet, preferring to speak only when spoken to—a mentality Alex could get behind. They rode in silence, the quiet radio playing in the background, music interspersed with cheerful advertisements.

Their patrols took them through cemeteries and abandoned places. People who were attacked by demons often blamed it on an animal of some kind, though the attacks themselves were thankfully rare. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if the world at large discovered the existence of demons. It wouldn’t be pretty.

Patrolling with the squad distracted him from the endless waiting. He knew how to hunt, and knew it well. Marching through the darkness with a partner and the weight of his weapon in his hand, his focus narrowed to the present. His frustration and impatience melted away under the moonlight.

When they arrived at the cemetery in their sector for the night, Alex wasn’t surprised when Nathan paired off everyone else and chose him as his partner. They fell into step together, wandering through the headstones. The night was a cool one, the sky hidden by clouds that reflected the distant light of the city back down on them.

Beside him, Nathan’s steps were quiet in the grass. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you, Alex?” he ventured tentatively.

Alex glanced over at him. Nathan’s brows were drawn together in genuine concern. Angry though he might’ve been, Nate was a good guy who didn’t deserve to take the brunt of Alex’s fury.

“I honestly don’t think so,” he said. “I appreciate you asking. My head’s been pretty tangled up, to be honest, but I’m trying to work through it. I just have to… I don’t know, give it time?” Or hunt the demon down himself, but he kept that part quiet.

They walked some distance in companionable silence, and then he felt compelled to add, “They promised me vengeance, you know.”

“Who?”

“The recruiters. I met them when I was nine. They did this whole interview, asked me a bunch of questions about what I remembered. I’d already learned by then that I shouldn’t tell adults the truth about the demon I saw that night. I should just say he looked like a regular guy, not the monster I actually remembered. But they asked me for the truth, and then they explained it was a demon. That they’ve seen kills like that before. And did I want to kill it? I told them of course I did. Sure, I was nine, but I was so angry. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. Every time I closed my eyes I saw that demon’s face, and I was terrified it was going to come back for me one day. So they said I could kill it, if I let them adopt me into their program.”

Nathan hummed. “That’s quite a promise to make to a nine-year-old.”

Alex snorted out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, you’re telling me. But I clung to it, man. Some days it was the only thing that kept me going.” His eyes burned, and he stubbornly blinked the sensation away, grateful for the camouflage of darkness. “It just sucks for the chance to finally arrive and have that promise broken. I’ll follow orders, but… this need for revenge has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Letting go of it is hard.”

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