Page 63 of Wilder Heart

“No, no, it wasn’t you.” He sighed.

“Want to talk about it?”

Wilder took a breath to turn him down, but then he thought better of it. He trusted Cash more than anyone; maybe it was time to act like it. Let him in.

“Dad was shitty,” he said simply. “I grew up expecting people to be like him. It never occurred to me that the rest of the world could be better than him, that the example he set wasn’t really the standard.”

“So seeing those two guys dancing…”

“Made me realize things could’ve been different for me, if I’d had a different dad. If my circumstances had been different. That there are people out there who come out to their parents without fear. And it didn’t seem fair. I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t be mad about someone else’s positive experience just because mine was exceptionally shitty.”

Cash’s hand cradled the side of his face, thumb stroking his cheek softly.

Wilder leaned into it, sighing. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re human,” Cash said. “And I think you’re pretty damn amazing. After all you’ve been through, you haven’t let it turn you into a bad person. Maybe you felt bitter for a minute looking at those guys, but you didn’t get up and take it out on them. You know your feelings aren’t fair to them. Doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel them, though. And you know what?”

“Hm?” He clutched at the back of Cash’s shirt. Who knew existing outside of prison could be so exhausting?

“Even though you had a bad example growing up, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fact that the rest of the world is better than you expected.”

Cash tugged one of Wilder’s hands free and raised it by their sides. He guided Wilder’s other hand to his shoulder and placed his hand on Wilder’s waist.

“What are you doing?” Wilder asked.

“Dancing with you,” Cash said.

The music filtered out through the open patio doors, distant but audible. Wilder was stiff at first, as Cash pulled him into a barely-there sway. He leaned in, tucking his face in the curve of Cash’s neck and breathing his scent as they moved together. It was maybe the most intimate thing he’d ever done with someone. The gentle press of their bodies, letting Cash lead him by touch and feel alone.

He lifted his head, their cheeks brushing. Cash turned his head. Their damp breaths mingled in the air between their mouths.

“You’re incredible,” Wilder whispered. “I don’t know why you’d ever waste your time on somebody like me.”

“Birds of a feather, I guess,” Cash breathed, smiling as he drew Wilder in for a sweet kiss. “Because I think you’re pretty incredible, too.”

They forgot to dance as their mouths moved together. Cash pushed Wilder against the wall, devouring him with lips and teeth and tongue, taking him apart by inches and resetting every broken piece like new.

They stayed there for hours, trading kisses and touches and quiet words. Wilder’s body craved more, but he resisted. This was better, the intimate yearning for more and knowing it would come when it was meant to. There was no need to rush, no need for quick fumblings and bitten-off sounds. They could bask in each other here and then take their time when they got back to the ranch, in the privacy of his room. No bars, no guards, just two people who wanted each other.

He’d learned long ago that it was dangerous to want things. A spot on the football team. A parent who cared. A cute boy he could be seen in public with. But that was the past. Maybe it was okay to want things now, with Cash, under the starlight. Maybe all he had to do was reach out and take it.

It was a scary thought. But one he was starting to admit, at least to himself, might be worth the risk.

CHAPTER 21

WILDER

They pried themselves away from each other only when Cash’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Wilder felt it against his hip, laughing into Cash’s mouth at the sensation.

“That’ll be one of the boys,” Cash said. “Time to head back.”

“Come to my room,” Wilder said, not yet willing to give him up. His room faced the rest of the ranch, and someone could see him coming or going, but Wilder didn’t care. “Come to my room and spend the night.”

Cash’s smile was a brighter and more beautiful glow than all the stars in the sky above them. “I’d love to.”

Wilder’s mouth felt oversensitive as they made their way through the throng of people inside and out the front door, where the others had congregated while they waited for the stragglers.

Billy looked them both up and down. “Where’d you two run off to?”

---