Page 34 of Meet Stan

She groped my crotch, which twitched in response. Normally I’d have been all for an escalation, but in her inebriated state, that would have meant taking advantage of Ivy.

I was a well-known hound dog in my day, and I’m not even going to deny it. I was the guy going home with two women at once in college. I’m the guy who can get any piece of ass on the bar eating out of his hand.

But I’d never make love to a drunken woman. I do have standards. I mean, a little tipsy, sure, but when they’re stumbling around it’s another story.

“You hear me?” she said. “The fourth date always ends in sex. So show me your bedroom. Let’s do this.”

“I think you’re very drunk,” I said.

“So what?”

“So, I think you should drink this coffee and chill out for a bit.”

“Oh come on,” she pouted, rubbing herself against me. “Are you really going to turn me down? I’ll do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want to me. I know what we said before, but maybe I’d be open to something fun and exotic…”

“Okay,” I said with a smile.

“Now you’re talking,” she said. “Come on, let’s go screw.”

She tried to pull me by the arm, but nearly stumbled and fell. I swept her into my arms and carried her the rest of the way to the bedroom.

“Yeah,” she said. “Shouldn’t I be over your shoulder, though? I mean, if we’re doing this whole caveman thing.”

“Oh, just wait,” I said, laying her down carefully in my bed. I went down and started unsnapping her heels.

“Yeah, get me naked, fake boyfriend, so we can have real sex.” Her spirit was willing, but she laid back with her head on my pillow, eyes struggling to remain open.

“You’ve got it.”

I took off her shoes, and then pulled the blanket up over her.

“Hey, you’re covering me up, why aren’t you taking off my clothes?”

“I did already,” I said, petting her head. “You just forgot.”

“Oh. Then get in here.”

“I will,” I said. “I have to go get the sex toys first, though.”

“Oh yeah, that’s cool,” she said sleepily, her eyes now completely shut. “Handcuffs, ball gags, remote control vibes, oh my…”

Her voice trailed off, and a moment later her loud snore rumbled through the air. I pulled the blankets more completely over her shoulders and brushed a lock of hair away from her smooth cheek.

I had no idea what to make of her showing up drunk. But I still found the sight of her sleeping in my bed to be oddly appealing.

It hit me then that I wasn’t going to be able to ignore the very real feelings my fake relationship was brewing in my chest for much longer. Could I really be getting soft spots for a woman?

And if so, what did it mean? Single for life?

I was beginning to have my doubts.

Chapter Fourteen

Ivy

Getting drunk and showing up at Stan’s door in the middle of the night might not have been the most thought-out of plans. In fact, I don’t think I was thinking much at all. I was only feeling.

And what I felt turned out to be a strong desire to get with him in some capacity. Physically just seemed like the most obvious route. At least, when I woke up in his bed the next day with a hammering hangover, I thought that was my process.

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