Page 38 of The Most Perfect Wrong

“Come on, Coop. You don’t think there’s any validity to my feelings? I mean, God, I worry about you cheating on me all the time. I mean, look at you… What guy wouldn’t want to sleep with you?”

I scoff. “I don’t know, Brad. Why didn’t you ask yourself that same question when you were fucking Jessica?” Dammit, I wish I could take that one back. But it’s out now, and I brace myself for Brad’s retaliation.

He raises his voice. “There it is. You can’tnotgo there, can you? Always throwing the past in my face. And you think I don’t have a valid reason to be concerned when you’re still this angry with me?”

“What’sthatsupposed to mean?”

He shakes his head, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. He takes a breath, steadying himself. “I just mean… I’m sure you’d love to get back at me.” He glances at me, his voice softer now. “Do you ever think about that? About getting back at me?”

“Honestly?” I say, my patience wearing thin. “Yes. Yes, I have definitely thought about getting back at you.” The silence stretches, so I keep talking just to fill the discomfort. “I did, actually.”Fuck. I swallow, staring down at my hands.Why did I just say that?

He furrows his brows, confused. “What do you mean you did?”

I muster up the strength to look at him. “In Newport… back in March, when you and I broke up. After you…” I can’t say it. “Anyway, I slept with someone—a random guy I met at a bar—because I was so mad at you, so hurt…. I was so angry, Brad.” I take a shaky breath and exhale slowly, releasing the tension that’s been there for months.God, that’s a weight off my chest.

I watch him, uncertain of what this will look like or where it’s going to go. I’ve never been the one in this seat—the one admitting things, holding back truths, confessing secrets. My heart races. Brad’s jaw tightens, his eyes narrow, his grip hardening on the steering wheel.

“You fucking slept with someone nine months ago?” He looks over at me, his tone sharp. “And you’re just now telling me? Who the fuck was it?”

I shrug, letting out a defeated sigh. “I don’t know, Brad. Just some guy. I don’t even remember his name. I’d had some drinks, and I was hurt—wanted to move on, get over you. So yeah, I slept with someone else.” I pause, gathering the courage to say what I’ve wanted to for so long. “Just like you have. And honestly, Brad, I’m willing to bet there were more than just the three women I know about.”

He exhales loudly. “That’s all there was, Cooper. I swear it… Why are you telling me this now?”

“I don’t know. I guess it felt shitty keeping this from you.” I shut my eyes, praying the tears that threaten stay contained. “I don’t fully trust you, Brad. I haven’t for a while now, and apparently you don’t trust me… I just feel like we’ve backed ourselves into a corner, and I don’t know where we go from here.” I pause, letting it sink in, fixing my gaze on the side of his face. It hurts to be here, admitting all of this out loud. “If we don’t have trust… does anything else even matter?”

I don’t know where this truth serum came from. I never intended to tell Brad about Newport. Obviously, I’m not going to mention it was Ryan, but at least I’m coming partly clean.

We stop at a red light. He looks at me with sorrow in his eyes, and brings my hand to his lips. “You’re right.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, baby.” His eyes close for a moment. “God, this fucking stings. I can’t believe you slept with someone else.” He shakes his head, rubbing his forehead. “Sorry, I’m just… I’m in shock. I don’t even know how to process this right now. It’s killing me.” He glances at me again. “This is all my fault. I know I’ve been a dick, and I deserve this—I do—but… shit, it hurts.”

I’m stunned into silence. Brad has never—and I mean never—taken the blame for anything this big. Ever. The sincerity in his voice tugs at my heartstrings… but only a little. Maybe it’s because I know how this goes. He’s apologized before, but it’s always followed by something worse—a cutting remark, a backhanded compliment, a veiled threat.

I stay quiet, afraid that if I speak, I’ll start apologizing, like I always do. And I don’t want to apologize. I’m not sorry that I slept with Ryan, that I lied about it, or that I’m still partly lying.God, what does that say about me?

Then it hits me: Brad brought this on himself—when he chose to cheat the first time, and the second and third andGod,I don’t even know how many times.He’spushed me away.He’sbroken our trust…Hebroke us.

He slams his hand against the steering wheel, teeth clenched. “Fuck,” he says, his voice raw. “I can’t get the image of you with someone else out of my mind. I need to know who it was, Cooper. I need a name, what he looked like, where you did it, what he did to you. I need to know. This is going to drive me crazy. You’ve got to give me something,” he pleads, his voice trembling.

I sigh. “No, Brad. You don’t need to know.” I look at him intently as we approach our building. “It was one time. We had broken up. And it hasn’t happened again. I know it hurts. Trust me, I know it hurts,” I say, biting back tears.

He just shakes his head, letting out a bitter scoff. I turn to look out the window as we pull into the parking garage. I should feel awful seeing him like this, broken, but I don’t. Not completely. After all the times he’s hurt me, lied to me, how could I?

We don’t speak as we ride the elevator, and suddenly,The Sound of Silencetakes on a whole new meaning. My head fills with the noise of quiet: the hum of the elevator, our breathing,the faint buzz of electricity… my heartbeat. It’s like I can hear everything, even though there’s nothing to listen to.

We get inside, and I go straight to our room to ready myself for bed, desperate to be alone.

Brad comes into the closet as I’m hanging up my dress. “Did he come inside you? I need to know.”

I glare at him. “No. God. He wore a condom.” I take a steadying breath. “Don’t do this to yourself. I’ve been down this road, and it’s not a fun one. Just let it go. It happened a long time ago… Would you rather have not known?”

“Maybe. I don’t like that you kept it from me… but I don’t like knowing either.”

I give him a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah, well… It sucks to find out the person you love had sex with someone else. It really sucks, doesn’t it?” I’m torn between being empathetic and a complete bitch. I don’t want to hurt Brad, but part of me savors that I’ve hit him where it hurts… where he’s hit me.

“Did he lick your pussy?”

“God, Brad,” I recoil in disgust. “I’m not talking about this anymore. You don’t need to know the details.”

“Yes. I do, baby. I need to know. I need to know if his mouth was between your legs.”

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