Page 146 of The Stars are Dying

Nota helpless coward.

Calix clamped my wrists, pinning them by my head. He reached for a dagger, but so did I. I hooked my elbow, jabbing it up under his chin. He choked, losing his hold on me, and I used his imbalance to my advantage. My hand formed a fist, and I acted in some out-of-body instinctual state. It connected with his jaw, sending him sprawling off me, and I was upon him in a flash.

My knee dug into his chest, and I stared at him with such anger I didn’t know how to reel it back in. This side of me that wanted him to keep fighting back when the storm was still gathering within. The spells that had been unleashed were not enough.

“You want me dead? Then keep fighting, you coward!” I punched him again, though it struck pain up my arm, and I knew my knuckles would bruise along with his face. Blood pooled in the corner of his mouth, and I delighted darkly in the sight.

“Astraea, stop,” Rose called, but her voice was a nagging note to my need for violence that was far from quelled.

Calix groaned, but he caught the next pull-back of my arm. As he flipped us, my dagger clattered out of my hand.

“It’s your fault she’s dead,” he snarled, hands clamped around my throat, and I clawed at them.

My vision blackened; the pounding in my head became amplified. I let him go. “No,” I choked. My arm fell, straining my reach. “It’s yours.”

His release on me drew out a greedy breath, and as Calix fell back my dagger slipped free from his side. My throat caught fire, but the wrath pulsing through me rolled me to my knees. I crawled to where he clutched his bleeding wound, stumbling with the exertion, but I wasn’t done.

Not until he was dead could I be done.

I straddled Calix, fixing my promise of death on his eyes, which were wide as though seeing his end had snapped him out of his vengeful trance. Mercy didn’t find me as I raised the blade in both hands, my breathing deep and heavy.

“I forgive you,” he let out in a labored breath.

Three words I hadn’t realized were the stitches to stop my bleeding within.

My determination faltered. “I forgive you,” I echoed.

This wasn’t me. My hands lowered slowly, disbelieving that I’d almost killed Calix in this trial that had toyed cruelly with my wrath. Yet he was no illusion. He remained firm beneath me. His wound still bled too much, and I had caused it.

“I didn’t mean it,” I said, laying down my surrender. I stared into his pine-green eyes as they filled with agony. “You did deserve her. You protected her, loved her, and she never got to tell you that she loved you back. But she told me. Her last thought was of you.” I stood, returning to myself fully. My mind was a place I didn’t want to be, but never one I could escape. “Cassia loved you, Calix,” I croaked. “And I’m so sorry.”

I looked up, trying to find Rose, but she was gone.

Seconds ticked by, and this time, with the next hiss to vibrate, I thought I heard the distant clamor of footsteps. We had to get out of here, but I was still short of the key piece despite completing the trial. At least, I thought I had, having broken through the wrath before killing Calix. I didn’t think I could take much else now I was close to crumbling inside.

“I came after you…”

I winced at Calix’s groans of pain as he stood.

“When I heard the Selected of Alisus had arrived at the castle, I knew it had to be you. I came after you to say I forgive you. And to help. I saw Hektor heading here and joined him, convinced him I was on his side to get you back. I guess he used me anyway. He’s been to the king, Astraea. He slipped out to this trial and used me, made me drink something, and afterward all I could feel wasanger.So when I saw you, it came out all wrong. I don’t want you dead, though I can’t say I didn’t mean some of the things I said.”

A sharp sob escaped me. The confession drowned me. “It’s okay,” I croaked. “Thank you for coming.”

We stared at each other with a new kind of grief. One that wanted us to comfort each other, but we didn’t know how to reach out a hand.

Neither of us got the chance to break when a large form skidded around the corner.

“Zath!” I called, but my brightness at seeing the head of dark blond hair racing toward us faltered at the ghostly expression he wore.

“Lovely reunion,” he panted, not slowing as he reached us. “Now both of you fuckingrun!”

The ground shook, and nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the huge coiling body that slithered around the bend Zath had come from. He hooked my elbow, and my horror didn’t get the chance to stun me before his pace sent us flying. Calix came into himself enough to turn wide-eyed at the sight and race from it too.

The giant serpent rattled with a hiss, so close now the sound rippled over my whole body, almost making me falter in my desperate attempt to keep up with Zath. It stroked like temptation, daring me to stop, to fall to its mercy. Its long body hitting the walls in its chase boomed through the space, vibrating under our feet.

“Why do you run?”a voice taunted with a melodic feminine hiss.

What a wild question. I didn’t deign to answer. There was fire in my lungs, and I didn’t dare look back.

---