Page 43 of The Stars are Dying

“We should be able to stop tomorrow night for a proper bed,” Calix said as we made our way back to the road.

I squeezed Cassia’s arm. “A proper bed, huh?”

She caught onto my meaning immediately, eyes widening at me while she suppressed her smile and led us a few quickened paces ahead of the guard. “Astraea,” she drawled. “I didn’t expect teasing from you about bedroom affairs.”

“And why not?”

“You never spoke of yours.” She looked to me as if she’d made an error, but I shrugged, finding the confidence to speak openly now I would never go back. I didn’t need to convince myself of the opposite of what I was about to confess.

“Things with Hektor were fine at first. We weren’t intimate until around a year after we met. Then soon it became routine, but I wasn’t the only one he took pleasure from.”

Cassia gave a disgruntled sound. “I wish he were still alive so I could take a stab at him myself.”

I couldn’t respond to that. My fist flexed with the muscle memory of pushing my dagger through his chest. “Was it monstrous…?” I feared to ask. “How easily I took his life?”

“It’s not easy when it haunts you still,” Cassia said. “But he should have known a leash has two ends and it was only a matter of time before you strangled him with it.”

I huffed a laugh, but there was no humor to it. It was only an attempt to let her words sink my rising uncertainty about myself.

“But no, it was incredibly brave what you did, Astraea. If it makes me monstrous to think that, I’m glad there’s two of us.”

12

We suffered through a night of being jostled by the carriage in our awkward sleeping arrangement until we stopped at an inn in the next town. I said nothing at the unfairness of knowing Cassia had Calix to lean against for comfort. They shared a room two floors down from mine, the only remaining vacancy the establishment had.

I paced restlessly around my own room. It wasn’t anything other than the night that kept me awake, but I glanced out the small box window often to track the stars by habit. I was considering leaving the room, having not changed out of my gown or even taken off my boots, when a soft knock made me jump.

The door creaked open, but I relaxed as soon as I saw the head of sleek black hair curve around the wood. Cassia beamed at me upon finding me awake. She didn’t enter fully; instead she thrust out her hand, and though it was concealed in a rag, the sloshing when she wiggled it told me she held what had to be some kind of alcohol.

“I can’t sleep either. Come on,” she whispered loudly.

Her grin made my giddiness break through. I didn’t care where she planned to go as I slung on my cloak and followed her out. We slipped through a door that startled my nerves to pass, the words “STAFF ONLY: DO NOT ENTER” written on it, which Cassia seemed oblivious to. Then we walked up a narrow staircase until we exited onto a flat stretch of the roof that glittered with a coat of frost.

“Is this really a good idea?” I asked, hugging my cloak tighter while my breath blew out in clouds.

Cassia giggled, wedging something into the door to keep it from locking us out. “Probably not, but I don’t really care.”

I couldn’t help but join her in her soft amusement.

Cassia slipped, catching her balance, and my own footing skidded as I jerked toward her. We laughed at the ice making our steps clumsy, far enough from the edge that we began to slide on purpose, until the air speared our lungs and the night was alive with the sounds of our joy.

We slumped down, catching our breath from our childish antics. Cassia had fortunately managed to keep her stolen liquor safe. I wasn’t thrilled with the whiskey that had always been Hektor’s preferred drink, but I longed for the effects it could bring to pass the night and take the cold away.

Cassia took the first long drink, and I winced with her before she held it out to me.

“How did you slip out from Calix?” I asked. The liquid burned every second it was in my throat, but I swallowed several gulps.

“He sleeps like the dead, thankfully.”

“Did you two…?” I tried to be subtle, but I couldn’t help my grin.

Cassia flushed, pushing me sideward and swiping the bottle. She took another drink before answering. “Not all the way, but we did…things.” She set the bottle down, burying her face in her gloved hands like she didn’t know how to talk of it. “With his hands, and hismouth.Stars above, I didn’t know people coulddothings like that.”

I bit my lip, thrilled by her excitement. “I can’t believe you went this long without giving in to him. He’s been pining after you for years.”

Something fell in her expression, and I wanted to retract what I’d said, but she was quick to brush it away. “I want it to be right. And an inn on the way to the Central isn’t exactlyromantic. Maybe it’s silly after all this time, but I want it to be perfect.”

My hand reached for hers. “It’s not silly at all.” Sighing, I pulled my hood up to lie against the slanted side of the roof. “None of it matters if the feelings aren’t there. You’ve had that to treasure with him for far longer than sex.”

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