Page 9 of The Stars are Dying

Heaviness weighed on me when I awoke. My eyes stung against the bright light spilling into the room, triggering the throb of my head. I forced myself up on my hands, taking a few seconds against the dizziness that threatened to sink me back down.

Not today,I thought.Please, not today.

I groaned through a hoarse throat at the sickness that had crept over me during the night. I twisted to Hektor, but my body turned cold at the discovery his side was empty. I blinked, pulling back the sheets and swinging my legs out of bed, shivering violently when my bare feet pressed to the freezing marble floor. As I reached for a long cotton robe, I found out why the day shone so bright, as beyond the glass lay a sparkling white sheet that stole my breath.

Despite my poor state I smiled. The snow was a beauty I looked forward to every year, and it never failed to spark the child in me.

The child I couldn’t remember.

I scanned the ostentatious room, lingering on the nightstands, but there was no note. No indication of how long Hektor had been gone. I had to find out if I’d slept a whole day away as I’d done so before in illness.

Dressing quickly, I opted for a thick blue gown and swung a navy cloak over my shoulders. High stockings for the cold and black boots for the snow. I checked the clock on the mantel that told me midday was approaching. Pushing aside the fog in my mind, I decided I could ask the kitchen staff how long Hektor had been gone.

Pulling on the door handle, I froze in horror. My heart rammed against my chest as I tried again and again and again, until tears filled my eyes and stung my nose. But I didn’t stop rattling the door as if it would somehow unlock with the sheer will of my desperation.

“Milady?” The soft feminine voice broke through my sobbing, and I rested my forehead on the wood. It belonged to Sira, a woman who tended to me sometimes, but the handmaidens never stayed long in Hektor’s employment.

“Please let me out.”

“It’s just a few days, Stray.”

I whimpered at the other voice and the soft nickname he used. “Zath, please.”

“I don’t have a key, or you know I would.”

My nails sank deep crescent moons into my palms. “How long has he been gone?” I tried.

His pause almost slammed my fist to the wood until Sira mumbled quietly, “Two days.”

I cried harder but kept silent, biting my lip until I tasted blood.Why?I had done nothing but sneak out for a moment, and this punishment seemed unjust even for him.

Phantom hands began to crush my throat, and I gasped for breath, backing away from the solid wood and stumbling to the glass doors. I tried them over and over too, but they wouldn’t budge, and I crumpled to the floor, dizzy with sickness and heartache and the shock of my solitary confinement.

I hated him. Though even that emotion brought pain when I didn’t want to think that of him. I wanted out.Neededout.

Permanently.

The thought rushed to me with such clarity I stunned myself. Maybe because I knew the window of opportunity was crawling closer, and maybe because there had always been a part of me waiting for this push. Hektor wouldn’t know he was the one to topple me over the edge when he’d been my only reason to stay. Not through any sadness to leave him, but the fear he’d chase me to the ends of the world before he’d let me go.

As the Selected of Alisus, Cassia would be leaving within the week. Once she did, that window of opportunity would slam shut then disappear. Not only would I have sealed my fate here, but I’d never see Cassia again.

My hands fisted the braids of my hair in my turmoil. I tunneled away in the darkness behind closed lids. A bubble grew inside me so violently it nearly screamed free.

Aclicksmothered the barrel of grief in my chest. I looked up, scared to test what I thought it was, but desperation clumsily got me to my feet. When the handle of the glass balcony door pushed all the way down and the frozen air hit my face, I released a noise of joy. I scanned inside and out, but no one was there. With my first step out onto the pure crystal snow I didn’t care anymore.

“And how do you plan to get down?”

I gasped at the voice. A silvery echo that rang through my mind. I slipped as I twisted and whirled to find the form that never revealed itself. Breathing hard, I debated trying to answer back, but the absurdity of that sealed away my thoughts.

At the snow-covered stone railing, I peered out. The height would most certainly cause a bad injury, perhaps death. “I can climb,” I said aloud, comforting myself at the thought of his voice being my own internal coaxing to get past this hurdle.

The snow added laughter to my reckless decision, but I had no other choice. It had been months—too many—since I’d had a chance to venture beyond the manor, and this was my last opportunity to see her.

“You should be inside, Starlight. You are not well.”

I huffed, swiping a gloved hand over the edge to reveal the flat stone I’d hoisted myself onto. It wobbled immediately, but I didn’t dare look down. “I won’t get another chance.”

In full health I wouldn’t doubt myself as much as I did now. I’d spent many years testing my balance and did not fear heights, but my weakness, paired with the weather I loved, had become my nemesis. I wasn’t confident I could complete the journey down unharmed.

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