Page 121 of Pretty Little Fears

“Hihunny!Oooh,I’mso happy you’re back home so soon!”Shegushes while rushing to help me carry my belongings.Webring them inside, whereItake them to my room and start unpacking.Iget side tracked asI’mputting stuff away, whenIspot my old apron.

Ilook at my halfway unpacked bag and decideIcan finish the rest tomorrow, or not at all sinceIwon’t be here long.Instead,Iwant to head out to see the restaurant.

Headingdownstairs,Ilet mom knowI’llbe back in a little bit and thatI’mtaking her car.Shehasn’t been back to the restaurant, andIdon’t really think she ever will.That’salright, though.Shesupports me from afar, and allIneed is her support.

WhenIget there, the restaurant is booming.Carsfill the parking lot and whenIget inside, it’s so busy, tears well in my eyes.Itlooks just as it did when dad was alive and running it.Thelively atmosphere brings back the memories of my childhood, running through packed tables and in between bustling waiters.Ichuckle thinking about that rambunctious child and how she’s now the owner of this fine establishment.

Imake the rounds and say hello to some of the workersI’mfamiliar with.Checkingon some paperwork and financial stuff, it takes a moment beforeInotice it’s gotten late andIshould probably head back home.Stoppingin the kitchen,Igrab some dinner for me and mom and make my way back to the house.

Bythe timeIget home and our bellies are full,Ifeel exhausted.Itraveled all morning then spent the rest of the afternoon handling the restaurant.Decidingto call it a night,Igive mom a hug before heading to my room.Shelets me know she’ll be up for a little longer ifIget a second wind and decide to come join her.

I’mgoing through my bag to find my pajamas for the night, when my fingers touch paper.Frowning,Ipull the crumpled piece of paper out.Iunravel it and my heart thuds out of sync at its contents.

LittleObsession,

Beingaway from you is the hardest thingI’vehad to do, butIknow you need your time away.Ihope everything is running smoothly at the restaurant and your mom is doing alright.TellherIsaid hi.

Youhaven’t left yet, butImiss you so much.Withoutyou, my bed is cold and my heart is numb.Ican’t wait to feel the rush of adrenaline and love whenIfinally lay my eyes upon you again.

Thankyou for bringing me back to life and showing me the world is a beautiful place to be.Iwould cease to exist without you.

Ilove you forever,Blair.

Love,BigDaddyEmmett

Ilaugh at the signature and think about the night when he saved his number into my phone.Allof the in-between moments from then until now replay in my head.We’vebeen through so much, more than your average couple.Ican’t help but wonder what our life will look like after we leaveBlackwoodbehind.

Ihope it’s filled with love, happiness, and healing.Ihope we can give our future family a life much different than ours.Thinkingof creating a family withEmmettmakes me think of the oneIalso lost.Mydad would have been a fantastic grandfather.

Ifeel a sharp pang in my chest at the realization that he’ll never get to meet his grandchildren.Growingup,Icalled my grandpa,Pops.Iwonder what nickname our child would’ve given my dad.

Thehardest part for me to heal from has been the grief of my losses.Notonly didIlose a child during this, butIlost a part of myself, too.Partsof myselfI’vebeen working hard to get back.Theymight not be the same anymore, the remnants are shattered and damaged, but that’s okay.I’mnot the same naive girlIonce was, and it’s all cohesive with the healing and evolving process.Whatexcites me about the future is allI’llbe able to experience onceIput my traumatic history behind me.

Closingmy eyes,Iinhale a deep breath.Myhands shake slightly as my anxiety spikes.IthinkI’mready to tell my mom.She’salways been my biggest supporter.Evenwhen she couldn’t support herself during dad’s death, we leaned on each other.Changinginto my pajamas,Itake one more big breath before heading downstairs.She’sstill sitting on the couch watching her show asIenter the room.

“Heymom?CanItalk to you?”Iask.

It’shard to hide the fear in my voice, andIdefinitely can't hide the way my hands tremble asIsit down next to her.Worryis etched on her face as she looks at me.

“What’swrong sweetie?”Seeingthe concern in her tone and the worry in her eyes,Ibreak.Itell her everything.

Withevery horrific detail,Iwatch a piece of her break.Herown hands shake as they hold mine and tears flow down her face.

Tellingmy mother the truth has left her shattered and in a frenzy, soIdecide to stay home a little while longer.Emmett’sbeen trying to come toNewYork.Hisrebuttal to my refusal was that he agreed to a weekend trip, not a week.

Ishake my head while a light laugh slips from between my lips, he is so crazy.Iwouldn’t be surprised if he were to show up on my doorstep tomorrow morning, but in all honesty, he knows to respect my space for now.Aslong asIcheck in with him periodically, we’ll be alright.

Intime, we’ll all be alright.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

EMMETT

WhileBlair’sgone,it forces me to do something other than be her shadow.Iwanted to go home with her,Ieven debated on just showing up, butIknow she needs this time andI'mtrying to learn a little thing called, “respecting her boundaries.”

We’llsee how long that lasts.

Ihead out to the living room to seeEliandJadencracking open a few beers whileGrimmrolls up a blunt.Imake my way over to the couch and throw myself down.

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