Page 22 of Pretty Little Fears

Obsession.

Ilet the word bounce around in my mind.Ihave an understanding of what obsessionis,but he barely knows me.WhatIneed to understand is how deep his obsession runs for me.

Imean…Hecame out of my fucking closet before he pinned me to my bed and pulled orgasms from me with his mouth.Idon’t know what's more concerning, the fact that he was hiding in my room or thatI’mnot more worried.

Ormaybe, becauseIlet him devour me with no inhibition.

Somethingin my gut tells me he won't hurt me.Whilehis actions have been stalkerish and borderline creepy,Idon’t feel scared when he's around.Idon’t know what’s wrong with me or why my heart seems to pick up its pace when he's near.

Ieven found myself trying to tamper down the smile that threatened my lips, whenIsaw that he saved himself in my phone asBigDaddyEmmett.Ichanged his contact name the next morning becauseIcouldn’t inflate his ego any more than it already was.

Unfortunately,Iadded fuel to the fire whenIused him in my fantasies.Inmy defense, it wasn’t for him to hear in the first place.Despitethe clear disregard for my boundaries,Ican’t help but feel my heart thump a little harder whenIget his notes or texts.

Ilet out a guttural groan and slide my hands down my face.Mytime here so far has been stressful, andIneed to destress.Maybea different kind of self-care is needed.

Pushingmyself up and off the bed,Imake my way over to my bathroom and dim the lighting to whereIwant it.Igrab candles and place them around the bathroom, lighting them asIgo, to create a calming ambiance.

AspenandVerenahave a late class tonight, andLoreleiis always hiding in her room or at parties.Regardless, the house is quiet and gives me the perfect opportunity to relax.

Afterall the candles are lit,Iwalk over to the luxurious tub and start running hot water.Throwingin a mixture of different essential oils,Itake a deep breath, allowing the different scents to fill my lungs.

Tracesof orange, jasmine, and chamomile waft around the space.Ibegin to sprinkle some rose petals in the water to give it a romantic feel.Istrip out of my clothes as steam starts to fill the room.

Connectingmy phone to a smallBluetoothspeaker,Iput my playlist on shuffle and let it play.Hummingalong to my favorite songs while wrapping my robe around my torso, and stuffing my feet into slippers.Iquickly make my way back into the kitchen to grab a stemless wine glass, along with a full bottle of wine.

Comingback to the bathroom,Iset the glass and bottle down on the counter.Turningaround,Icloseand lockthe door for good measure, then slip off my robe, letting the silky material pool by my feet.

PaperLovebyAllieXplays softly whileIkick off my slippers next to the door.Turningback to my essentials,Ipop the cork of the wine, then bring the bottle to my nose, giving it a small whiff.

Ipour myself a full glass and pad over to the tub, gently bring my legs over and slowly sink into the heat of the water.Asoft sigh escapes me at its warmth.Closingmy eyes,Icontinue sipping the berry flavor and listening to the music, letting it distract me from my thoughts.

Nothoughts about class.Nothoughts aboutMomandDad.Nothoughts about the disappearing students.Andmost importantly, no thoughts aboutEmmett.ThelongerIsit, the more the heat wraps around me like a cozy blanket.Ican practically feel the weight of life lift off my shoulders.

Aftera glass of wine and twenty minutes in the tub,I’mfeeling great, and more relaxed.Pullingout the drain plug and standing,Istep out of the bath and wrap the towel around myself.Dryingmy feet on the rug and picking up my wine glass from the bath tray, a content sigh leaves my lips.

Walkingto the counter,Idecide to pour myself another full glass of wine.Ido my skincare, then brush out my hair and tie it into a braid.Periodicallysipping on the wine, letting it calm me further.

Feelingmuch better,Icarry my wine to my bedroom.BeforeIslip under the covers,Igrab a book from my small bookcase in the corner of my room.

Pickingup a new read,Idecide on a short novella, hoping to finish beforeIcrash for the night.Iflick off the lights and switch on my bedside lamp, crawling into bed and sipping on my wine while getting lost in another world.Thebath, the wine, and now the book have formed the ultimate trifecta for my restoration.Beingimmersed in a universe where my problems don’t exist and real life loses its significance has always been where my heart resides.

BeforeIknow it, two hours have gone by andIhave devoured the book entirely.Somethingabout a student and professor going at it like rabbits just does something to me…ya know?Idon't know if it's the forbidden nature or the age gap that excites me.

AsIturn the final page and begin reading the last line,Inotice something strange at the bottom, it’s pen ink.Itypically don’t annotate my books and this is the first timeI’veread it.Itwas bought brand new from the bookstore and has been sitting on the shelf since before attendingBlackwood.

Thelast line of the book is highlighted and reads, “Ourhearts and souls are intertwined and tangled, to where you can’t tell whereIend and he begins.Ibelong to him wholeheartedly, and he belongs to me.”

Acouple of inches below the highlighted line, that same messy, masculine handwriting from those blood-red envelopes stain my page.

Youare mine.Iam yours.

-Emmett

Iroll my eyes and shut the book.Witha shake of my head,Iplace the paperback on my nightstand, shut off my lamp, and lay down.Releasinganother sigh laced with heaviness,Ibury myself further under my covers.Soonmy mind drifts andIfind peace in the unconscious void.

Myalarm blaresat the crack of dawn the next morning.Groggyand a little hungover,Irub my eyes and stretch, wishingIhad more time to hibernate in my bed and away from the world.

Igo through the motions of my daily routine.Run, shower, get ready, grab a coffee, and head to class.Walkingout ofCozyCup,Ifeel my phone vibrate in my pocket pulling me from my thoughts of sleep.Lookingdown at the screen,Isee a message waiting to be opened fromEmmett.

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