Page 46 of Pretty Little Fears

Blank, empty, fucking clueless faces stare back at me.Iroll my eyes and huff, pushing pastJadenand making my way toEmmett’sbedroom door.

“Yeah, good luck with that!Youguys call me crazy, it’s psycho fest party-of-one in there.”Grimmscoffs.

Stoppingin front of his room,Ireach for the doorknob.Likemy presence conjured him, the door is ripped open, causing the boys to swing their heads in our direction.Emmettstumbles past me, out of the doorway, andIpause whenIsee him.

Hisusually styled hair is wildly sticking out in all directions as if he’s been running his fingers through it.Hiswrinkly button down is half tucked into his dress pants and hanging open, exposing his torso.Hissleeves are bunched and there’s fresh looking stains trailing from his collar to the hem of his shirt.

Hisknuckles are bruised and bloody, cut up with bandages haphazardly wrapped around them.Ifinally meet his eyes and the pain and angerIsee reflected back at me makes my blood run cold.I’venever seenEmmettso disheveled and shattered.

“Aw, little obsession, you came to see me?I'mflattered.”Heslurs his words.Idon't care if he’s in a state of mania,Irefuse to let him be an asshole to me.Igo to make a retort but before the words leave my mouth his strong grip has a hold on me.Heyanks me into the room, slamming the door behind us.

Hishands lean against the door and he brings his face just inches from mine.Myheart hammers in my chest andIlook straight into his eyes, hopingIcan hide my fear.

Thefear of what he’ll do in this state.Thefear of what caused it.Iwant to help him,Iwant to be his savior, too.Myhands reach out and land on his waist.Myfingers take the cotton material of his shirt between them.

Hebrings his hand to my cheek and gently strokes my face. “Whenwas your last period?”

I'mmomentarily shocked by his question and my cheeks heat with embarrassment.Crinklingmy brows,Ilook up at him, my eyes bouncing between his.

“What?”Iask, my hands dropping to my sides.

“Iswitched your birth control.Iwant to know when your last period was and whenI’llbe seeing you swollen with my child.”Hesmiles.Nothis usual smirk or the devilish kind that causes trouble.No, this is a boyish smile that seems… innocent.Pure.Adeep dimple is carved in his cheek and the sight of it steals the breath from my lungs for a moment.

Ishake my head in disbelief, putting thoughts of that dimple on the back burner, and focus on the absolute fucking atomic bomb he just threw at me.

Ibegin chuckling and it ends up turning into a full-on belly laugh.Iknow he’s psychotic, but he can't be that psychotic.He’sclearly had way too much to drink and has no idea what he’s saying.

Hisbrows draw low and his once massive grin starts to dim.Helooks at me with confusion as ifI'mthe crazy one.

“Yeah, alrightEmmett.Idon't really feel like sharing the details of my reproductive system, sorry.”Isay.ButIcan’t help the little seed of doubt that plants itself in the back of my mind.Ineed to check when my last period was as soon asIget home.

Hisexpression morphs from confusion to desolation.Hepushes off the door and steps away from me, flopping onto his bed.

“Youdeserve someone better than me,Blair.Youdeserve someone who’s not broken.I’mfucked up.Icould never be someone you needed.”Hespeaks into a pillow.

“Emmett, what are you talkin-”Iattempt to cut in, but he snaps his head up and raises his voice.

“Listento me.I’mdrunk butI’mnot incoherent.Youdon’t want to be with a man like me.Iwill add nothing but destruction to your life.Idon’t know how to love and a life with me means a life of misery.Mylittle obsession deserves the world,I’msorryIcan’t give that to you.Idon’t deserve you.”Sighing, he continues to ramble.

“Allmy life,I’vebeen alone.Doyou know what that feels like,Blair?Tonot have a single person understand you?Tobe looked at every day as a burden, a waste of space, a disappointment, a failure?Everysingle day for the last twenty-two years of my life,Ihave been relentlessly reminded thatIam not worthy of a life in general, let alone one with a happily ever after.Justdo yourself a favor and-”

Ipressed my lips to his, shutting him up.Ican’t listen to his self-hatred.Ithurts, andIknow it hurts him, too.Emmettwraps his arms around my waist, drawing me closer butIneed answers before we go any further.Pullingback,Ilook deep into his eyes and let out a sigh.Iwrap my hand around the nape of his neck and bring him closer, our foreheads touching.

“Whathappened toIam yours and you are mine?Youdid not suck me in just to spit me back out.YouthinkI’venever been alone beforeEmmett?ThatIhaven’t felt unworthy?Fuckingtry me.Knowthat ifIdon’t fully understand you,I’malways going to be here.I’mnever going to leave you.Youaren’t alone anymore.”Isay, releasing a breathIdidn’t realizeIwas holding.

Emmett’sface is stone cold for a moment.Asif he was certain thatIwould take the opportunity to walk away from him and needed to prepare himself for yet another person to abandon him.Forbeing his obsession, he must not know me that well.Thefaintest smile appears on his face and it’s followed by a small nod of his head.

Aftera few moments of silence,Ibreak it by asking him a question. “Doyou want to talk about it?”

“Yeah.I’mnot sure where to start though.It’sall fucked up.”Hehesitates.

“Yourmom.Tellme about your mom.”Isuggest.

Takinga deep breath, he glances over to his nightstand.Ididn’t notice the picture frame the last timeIwas in here, but he reaches for it, then holds it out to me.

Asmiling little boy and a breathtaking young woman are in the picture.They’resitting at a table that's littered with canvases, paints, and brushes.Splotchesof paint decorate their skin.Thelittle boy has fair skin and onyx hair, resemblingEmmett.

Thewoman has matching pale skin but her hair differs drastically in color, blonde waves cascading down her sides.Shelooks at her son with so much love, but the tiredness behind her eyes is visible.

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