Page 45 of Pretty Little Fears

Apart of me left with her that day.Now,I’mforced to deal with the consequences of others' selfish acts.Ineed to drown these thoughts out before they drown me.Flingingopen my door,Istomp down the hallway, into the common room.

Fromthe corner of my eye,Isee the concern etched on my roommates’ faces.Ican't look at them.Idon't want them to see the secrets thatIharbor.Theywouldn’t understand.Reachingthe kitchen,Iyank down the first bottle of vodkaIfind and start chugging from it.Thesting soothes my throat and brings a welcoming feeling of numbness with every trickle down my throat.

“YoEmmett, you good?”Grimmquestions while trying to grab the bottle from my grip.Ipull back and move around him.

“Fuckoff,Grimm.Nowis not the time.Idon't need you questioning me.”Ispit.

Ploppingdown on the couch,Itake another swig from the bottle.Warmthfrom the alcohol starts to mix with the hatred in my bloodstream.Mythoughts of my disgust start to shift to thoughts of my pretty little obsession.Anythingwith warmth reminds me of her.

Thepositive thoughts surrounding her cause my smile to drop from my face.She'stoo pure.I’llonly taint her with my filth.Icouldn’t make my mother happy enough to stay.Ifailed at making my father happy.WhathaveIdone to deserveBlair?

Nothing.

Absolutely, nothing.

Pullingout my phone,Iclick on her name and send her a message.Iknow for sure she would deny me when she knows how filthyIam, how ruined.Igo to take a sip of the once heavy bottle and realize it's empty.Huh.Lettinggo, it drops to the floor with a thud, andItext her.

Me: I need to see you

Me: Blair, I’m fucked up, I don’t deserve you.

Me: I’m so sorry I forced my way into your life just to ruin you.

Me: That wasn’t my intention, my little obsession. I wanted to give you everything, but I don't know how to do that.

Me: I’m sorry.

Isquint at my phone waiting for a response.Theletters are a jumbled blur butIcan see that she read my messages.Sheread them and hasn't texted me back yet.Great.Shemust thinkI'ma broken fucking mess.

“FUCK!”Ishout, throwing my phone at the wall.Theonly sound in the house is the device as it clatters to the floor.Myroommates are still staring at me butIdon’t fucking care.

Iget up and head back to the kitchen for a new bottle whenGrimmstops me, planting his hand on my chest, attempting to keep me from self-destructing.Iknow he cares but at this moment,Ifucking don’t.AllIwant isBlair.

“Dude, no.Whatthe fuck is going on?”Heasks.Irritated,Ipush his hand off of my chest.

“Grimm, seriously.Fuckoff.”Istorm out of the kitchen.Stoppingat where my phone lays,Ipick it up and head into my room, slamming the door behind me.

Fuckhim.FuckJames.Pullingout a speaker,Iconnect my phone and blast music to keep my mind occupied,OneStepCloserbyLinkinPark, starts playing andIscoff.Howfucking perfect.

Iwalk over to my nightstand and slide out a half drank bottle of whiskey, left behind at one of our parties.Twistingoff the cap,Ibring the bottle to my lips and chug.Theamber liquid burns my throat, adding fuel to my fire.

Theonly thing that can save me from my self-made hell, is my little obsession.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

BLAIR

Ididn't stopto think about whatIwas doing untilIfound myself onEmmett’sfront porch, seconds from knocking on his door.Beyondthe barrier,Ican hear the steady beat of thumping vibrations and the chatter from the occupants inside.Doubtstarts to creep into my mind.

DidImake the right choice by coming here?

No.Iquickly expel that thought from my head.Hewas there whenIneeded him, and he needs me right now.Raisingmy fist,Iknock on the door as hard asIcan, hoping it'll be heard amongst the chaos behind it.

Thedoor swings open andIam face to face with a frantic lookingJaden.Ipeer behind him and seeElisitting on the couch making stern motions with his arms as he talks to a pacingGrimm.Thismust be bad.Jadensteps aside to let me inside.

“Oh, thank fuck you’re here.Wedon’t know what happened orwhat the fuck is going on, but he’s locked in his room.He’shaving a mental breakdown.”

“Hedidn’t say anything to anyone?Grimm?”Mybrows furrow with the question.TheseareEmmett’sthree closest friends.They’repractically his family.Theyhave to knowsomething.

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