Page 15 of On the Edge

“Please just hear me out,” I say as I pull my arm back and pick up my fork just to have something to do with that errant hand.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m trying to make things right with Jackson. And if you care about her, you’ll want this for her too.”

“Don’t even think for a minute that you can waltz back in here after all this time andmake things right.” She enunciates each of my words, her big brown eyes hard as she looks me up and down. She’s hovering on the edge of her seat like she’s going to get up and stalk away at any moment. “You don’t get to make things right for her, Nate, because she already did that for herself. Without you.In spite of you. Don’t for a second think that she’s just been sitting here pining away for you, and that your sudden reappearance is going to make everything okay. She’s better off without you.”

“If I believed that she was better off without me, if I even suspected that was the case, trust me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But she and I are meant to be together, Sierra. It’s taken me longer to make my way back to her than I wanted, but that isn’t a reflection of my feelings for her.”

“What do you mean ‘make your way back to her’?” she asks, pulling her chair back toward the table as if she intends to stay for this conversation. “If you’d wanted to come back, all you had to do was show up. Preferably years ago.”

“I know it probably looks that way, but it’s not that simple. I think Jackson deserves to hear this story before you.”

“So tell her already.” Her eyebrows crinkle down so far a wrinkle forms between them, and I realize that the years I’ve been gone have been hard on Sierra, like they were on Jackson. That she’s carried some of the pain I caused too, even if it was just through suffering with and supporting her best friend.

“I will, but she’s not ready to hear it yet,” I say. “You know how she is, how sometimes I just have to wait until she’s ready.”

Sierra nods, and I’m sure she’s thinking back to the months I spent pursuing Jackson in high school before she was ready to accept her own feelings, and later, to the years I spent trying to convince her that her professional goals didn’t need to be a precursor to our marriage.

“It’s too bad you’ve never been good at listening to her when she says she needs more time,” Sierra says, and now her eyebrows are raised in challenge.

“It’s too bad she’s so good at setting artificial boundaries and building unnecessary walls—”

“Not so unnecessarynow.” She folds her arms as she leans forward in her chair and rests her elbows on the table. “You being here makes everything harder for her, Nate. She’s finally happy. After some of the unhappiest years of her life, she’s happy. Don’t you dare interfere with her relationship with Marco. If you really do love her, then let her be.”

“What makes you think Marco makes her happy?”

“Are you serious right now? I mean, I know you haven’t spent time with them as a couple, but you have to have seen pictures of them. Can’t you just tell how in love they are?”

“I’m not going to argue that they don’t love each other, Sierra.” I take a drink of water while she waits, her expression manages to convey her skepticism and assure me that she’ll claw my eyes out if I hurt her best friend again. I choose my words carefully. “I’m just saying that I’m not sure howinlovethey are.”

“Nate, you’re reading something into this that isn’t there. They are very much in love, and I strongly suspect they’ll be engaged soon. I’m sure that’ll be hard on you since you spent so long trying to get her to marry you.” She says it like she’s trying to not only stick a dagger in my heart, but twist the blade too. “So back off and let her be happy.”

“I can’t do that, Sierra. If she hears me out about what happened and she shows me that there’s definitely nothing there anymore, then I’ll respect that. If she chooses Marco, I’ll respect that too.” I’ve never allowed myself to envision this outcome, but in the deepest recesses of my brain, I suspect it’s a possibility. I may have broken things so badly that they can’t be repaired. “But until that happens, until I’m one hundred percent sure, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I look forward to you finding out just how wrong you are,” Sierra says as she stands and grabs her tray.

I sit at the table for a few minutes after she leaves, finishing up my tofu and veggie stir-fry and my recovery smoothie. I’d had my first workout with my athletic trainer this morning, and I have a session with Jackson this afternoon. I know she’ll push me harder than she should, just to try to break me. Which is fine. It’s part of how I know she still has feelings. She may think those feelings are hate, but hate and love are so closely intertwined I’m not sure she knows the difference when it comes to us.

CHAPTER6

JACKSON

Park City, Utah

I glance at the text for the fifth time in the last hour.

Sierra:Make sure you wear those thigh-high suede boots tonight. Need you in them for a sponsored post on social.

I’m sure that if I looked back at the carefully crafted and color coded spreadsheet she sends me at the beginning of each month, I’d know what she was talking about. Thankfully she sends me these reminders too. I’m glad she takes care of my social media for me, especially the sponsorships—I have no desire to be in charge of that part of my life. That little blue icon next to my name can be such a blessing and such a curse at the same time.

Glancing back down at the floor around me, I take in the disaster that is now my closet floor with the previous six outfits I tried on strewn about. So far, the only part of my outfit I’ve successfully chosen are the thigh-high boots, and the high heels are already killing my feet.

I’m going for flirty and fun for girls’ night out, but not trying too hard. I can’t look too sexy or it’ll send the gossip mill into motion as people speculate whether I’m looking for love outside my relationship with Marco. Given how much time we have to spend apart due to our careers, there is constant speculation.

I reach for the black wrap sweater dress I’d first put on. It is gorgeous, but shows a tad too much cleavage. I put the dress back on its velvet hanger and then flip through the neighboring dresses with a little more force than is necessary.This is so not me. I’m a no makeup, hair in a braid, wearing leggings to work every day kind of girl. I’d much rather have my girlfriends over to my condo, pour us all heaping glasses of wine, and relax in our pajamas on my couch watching rom-coms. Designer clothing and the Park City social scene are not really my thing.

Be grateful it pays the bills,I remind myself.

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