Page 84 of On the Edge

JACKSON

Big Sky, Montana

Nate nuzzles his face into the side of my neck. “How’s this going to work?”

“How’s what going to work?” I murmur, still too weak from my last orgasm to form any coherent thoughts.

“Us.”

“I think we’re working just fine,” I say, the innuendo heavy in my voice and the smile light on my lips. I’m on a yoga mat on the floor of Nate’s former dining room, lying in a pool of our sweat—his from the workout I just put him through, and me from the two orgasms he just made me work for. We are drenched and smell terrible, and we’re both the best kind of exhausted. I’m not sure I’ve ever been happier.

“I mean what’s it going to be like when we leave Big Sky. Do we have to hide this from our team? From our parents and friends?”

“I don’t want to hide this any more than you do,” I tell him, turning my head and kissing his forehead. I find his insecurity adorable because he’s so confident in every other aspect of his life. But I never again want to give him a reason to feel insecure about my feelings for him. There was too much of that in our past, and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that I was at least fifty percent responsible for how our relationship ended.

“Good.”

“But,” I start, and he’s flipped himself up and on top of me before I can get the next word out, his mouth claiming mine again.

“No buts,” he says when he pulls back.

“Nate, I don’t want to hide this.ButI don’t know what my contract says about fraternization. I could be fired for getting involved with an athlete I’m training. It goes against everything I was taught in grad school and it’s probably a violation of the oath I took when I became a physical therapist.”

“We’ll figure it out. Maybe the team can switch things up.” I can practically hear the wheels turning in his head. “Maybe you can move over to working with Jeff, and his physical therapist can work with me.”

“That would entail us telling the team what’s going on. What if we tell them and they fire me? Nate, if I get fired because I’m involved with an athlete I’m training, I will literallyneverbe able to find another physical therapy job. No one will hire me if they know I’ve crossed that line. I think we’re better off waiting.”

“Waiting for what, exactly?” he says. He’s got his elbows propped on either said of my shoulders, but I’m able to reach my hand up and stroke his face.

“Maybe until the season ends?”

Tell him about Danforth, a little voice inside my head insists. But I swallow that information down. It’s too soon.

“You think we can keep this a secret for months?” The way his face has rearranged itself into a mask of doubt leaves no room to wonder whether he thinks it’s possible or not.

“I don’t think we have a choice. My entire career is at stake here.”

His face softens and he leans down, stroking the bridge of my nose with soft kisses. “What will change at the end of the season?”

“When the season is over, I can find a different job.” There’s no point in pretending like this could work out any other way.

“Then I’ll leave too.”

“Nate, no. You are finally back to racing. It took you so long to get here, and you’re doing so well. Why would you walk away from that?”

“I told you in Italy that I’m not interested in racing if you’re not there with me.”

“I’d see you all the time in the off-season, and I could visit a lot while you’re racing.” Maybe Danforth isn’t the right fit for me anymore. If I get that job, I’ll be working with and traveling with the collegiate team during the season. I wouldn’t be able to get away to go visit Nate while he’s over in Europe.

But Mom,that voice nags,you need to be closer to Mom. Danforth offers that.

Nate must see the war that’s going on in my head as I try to figure out a way for us to be together without either of us having to give up our plans, because he asks, “What’s going on? You have your thinking face on.”

“I’m just trying to figure out how our relationship can work without you having to give up racing.”

“The simplest solution is usually the right one,” he says. “We just need to be honest. You can talk to TJ and I can talk to Matt, then we’ll work with HR to find a way for us to be together without you losing your job.”

I let that sink in. “Nate, I have to be honest about something. But you have to swear not to say a word of this to anyone.”

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