Page 91 of On the Edge

“Like I’d let you drive anywhere right now.” She smiles as she squeezes my shoulder one more time before stepping away. “I’ll be right back.”

* * *

“I didn’t believe it was this bad,” Petra says as she and Lauren walk into my bedroom, where I’m rolling each individual piece of my winter clothing as tight as I can and putting them into the three suitcases spread across my bed.

“I told you so,” Sierra says.

“Jackson,” Lauren says, “you can’t really be leaving.”

“I am. I have to. I literally can’t do this anymore,” I tell them. “I no longer have a job. Nate won me over and promised me forever, only to disappear again. And my mom is going through chemo. It only makes sense to move home with my parents for a little while.”

“But it’s only beentwo dayssince you lost your job. You’ll find a new one,” Petra insists.

“And there has to be a reason Nate went back to Europe without telling you,” Sierra insists. She doesn’t say what she knows I’m thinking—he’s had days to call and explain himself. Send me a text. Anything. And yet, there’s been no attempt at contact. There’s no way to misunderstand his intentions.

“I will never find another PT job after resigning for a breach of contract,” I say, dropping another sweater into my suitcase. Then I look over at Sierra. “And if Nate truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have flown back to Europe without telling me. His absence is like history repeating itself all over again.”

Lauren bursts into tears, and when we all look at her in alarm she sits down on the velvet chair in the corner of my room, covering her face and bowing her head while letting her red hair hang forward like a curtain.

“What’s wrong?” Sierra asks, kneeling next to Lauren.

“Nothing. I’m so sorry. I’m being stupid and selfish and need to get my emotions in check,” she says, but her voice is breaking on every other word like she can’t get her sentence out through the tears. “Just ignore me.”

“Pfft, ignore you,” I say. “Why in the world would we do that?”

“Because I’m being ridiculous. I have no reason to cry right now, you’re the one going through hell.” She looks up, her face splotchy and apologetic.

“Lauren, what’s really going on?” I ask.

Lauren’s dark blue eyes sweep over the three of us. “It’s just, I always envisioned that when I had babies, all their aunties would live close by, and now I don’t know if you’re even coming back,” she says, her eyes focusing in on me.

“Are you ... planning for the future, or are you already ...” My mouth drops open as her pale skin is overtaken with a deep blush and she nods. “Lauren! You’re going to be a mom?”

I think all three of us must launch ourselves at her at the same time, because suddenly we’re a squealing, crying, cooing, laughing heap on the floor at her feet.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Lauren says through tears, but sounding happier than I’ve seen her in a while. “Things were a bit touch and go for a while. There were some complications and I didn’t know if this pregnancy was going to last. But now there are two baby girls in here.” She rubs her belly.

“There are so many things we need to know!” I say, as it occurs to me that this is why Josh wasn’t really paying attention when they sublet their condo to Nate, and why Lauren wasn’t involved in that process. And this is why she didn’t come on our girls’ weekend to Big Sky—she didn’t have the flu, she was sick because she was pregnant.

“It’s a really long story,” she says, but we insist she tell us and she relents, sharing details about the fertility treatments and almost losing this pregnancy.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were going through any of that?” Petra asks once we’re caught up on all the details. “We would have all wanted to be there for you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”

“I wasn’t alone,” Lauren says, a small smile on her lips. “I had Josh.”

“Yeah, but guys aren’t always awesome with the emotional ups and downs of stuff like that. You should have had your girls by your side too,” Petra says with her trademark ferocity.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything,” Lauren says. “I didn’t want to have to explain every up and down, over and over. The idea of keeping people updated on what was going on just seemed so emotionally overwhelming.”

“We get it,” Sierra assures her, giving Petra the side-eye. “It’s totally up to you when you want to share your personal secrets.”

“Speaking of,” Lauren says as she looks at me, “Nate?”

I sigh as I disentangle myself from my friends. They already know we got back together, and that he left meagainwhen things got tough. I suppose it’s time I give themallthe details though, maybe then they’ll understand why it’s better if I go back home for a while ... or maybe forever.

* * *

I sit on the bottom bunk in the bedroom where I spent almost every weekend in my entire childhood. My parents’ condo at Blackstone has been remodeled almost from top to bottom, except this bedroom. It looks just like it looked when I was a teenager, with the exception of some new bedding on the bunks Sierra and I used to share when she spent every weekend with us during ski season.

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