Page 113 of One Last Shot

“Do you trust me?” she asks before taking a sip of her drink.

“Of course I trust you.” I follow her around a boulder and onto the dirt bike path that will be open in summer. I’m hoping this is an easy walk down because these drinks are strong.

“But I lied to you. I lied about me and Marco, and I definitely lied about Nate ...”

“You lied to me about your own life. Marco—protecting a friend. Nate—lying to yourself. Either way, zero impact on me.”

“And Aleksandr lied to you about his own life. These lies were not only about things that had happened to you, they were lies about things that had happened tohimas well. And they were lies that were meant to protect and help you.”

I’m quiet as I let the truth of those words sink in.

“Are you sure you aren’t lying to yourself here a little too?” she asks. “I think he means a lot more to you than you’re telling me. And I think the reason you’re holding onto this lie,these lies, of his is because you’re looking for a reason to run. Feelings scare you, Petra. Especially the big kind of forever feelings.”

I step up next to her when we hit the switchback in the cluster of trees. “I told him I would give up the show and move back to New York to be with him.”

Jackson breathes in sharply, then coughs and clears her throat. She looks over at me. “You—what now?”

“Yeah, andthat’swhen he told me he’d been lying to me basically since I was thirteen.”

I think I’m pretty strong, but there are only so many times you can be screwed over by a man before you lose faith in the entire gender. And I think I’ve hit that low point I swore I’d never sink to, the point where I’m ready to give up on men altogether.

The worst part is, I can hear my own advice here—I know exactly the kind of things I’d say to a friend in the same situation.The best way to get over one guy is to get under the next one. You need some no-strings-attached sex.Or,If you’re truly over men, I know some incredible women I could set you up with.

Why didn’t I ever stop to think that people need time to grieve in a breakup situation like this? Nope, I was always ready to throw my friends into the arms of the next man they came across. Now that I’m in that situation, I can see how dismissive I was being of people’s very real and very hurt feelings. Luckily, Jackson is a better friend than me in this situation.

“Okay, now I’m floored,” she says. “And even more pissed at him. But also, I’m still hopeful that you’ll go back to New York ... talk it out with him. Figure out a way forward. You deserve to be happy, Petra. Even though I don’t think you believe that, it’s true.”

“I deserve to be happy, yes. I don’t think I need a man to make me happy, though. That’s the part I don’t believe.”

She glances over at me and says, “Yeah, and I think you have put so much stock in that belief that maybe you’re sabotaging your own happiness here because it’s linked to a man.”

I think about that as we descend the mountain, my legs and glutes burning with the effort of walking downhill over a 1,500-foot elevation drop. I think about that as we drive back to Jackson and Nate’s house, and as I text Avery pleading with her to arrange to get my bags from Aleksandr’s and to meet me at JFK with them tomorrow when I fly through on my way to LAX. I think about them all night, when I can’t sleep because of the anger and the longing that are fighting against each other in my heart and mind. And in the morning, I know the truth of the matter is, I’m not sure. I’m not sure if Jackson is right, and I’m not sure how to figure it out.

* * *

It’s been six days since I left New York and I haven’t heard from him, nor have I contacted him. I guess it’s up to me to make this decision. There’s no way in hell I want Tony Gionetti anywhere near Stella, so I’ll do whatever I can to prevent that—whether Aleksandr and I are together or not.

I slip my phone from my pocketbook as I make my way through the crowded Laguna Beach restaurant. I pause in the bar area to send Alicia a message.

Petra:What is the most discreet way to turn the information you found over to law enforcement?

Alicia:I thought you’d never ask! I’ve got a guy.

Petra:What does that mean?

Alicia:It means I know and have worked with several officers. If someone walks by them on the street and hands them a package and says “Please deliver this to your supervisor,” they know it’s from me.

Petra:If this evidence wasn’t legally obtained, it’ll be useless though, won’t it?

Alicia:Girl! What makes you think it wasn’t legally obtained? No laws were broken in the process of gathering this evidence. There was no entrapment. Just a good, upstanding citizen—that’s me—turning in non-law-abiding folk.

Petra:Okay, good. Do you need me to do anything else?

Alicia:Just pay me for my time, beautiful.

Petra:Transfer coming at you.

The bubble pops up on the screen to let me know she’s typing, and then they disappear. Over and over.

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