It’s early afternoon when the doors to the elevator open into my apartment. I step into the entryway and am met with ... nothing.
What did you expect, a fucking welcoming party?
When I first bought this place, it was my refuge. My calm oasis in the busy city. I could open the door and walk into silence, leaving the stress of practice, the chaos of the streets below, and the pressure of the game all behind me. When I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, which was most of the time honestly, I could hide out here. But over the past few months, I guess I’ve gotten used to Stella being here, usually with a nanny, sometimes also with a housecleaner or a private chef.
So today’s silence is leaves me feeling, I don’t know ... alone? But not in the good way.
I’ve finished getting my bags out of the elevator when Petra’s text comes in.
Petra:Just picked up Stella at school, and we are going to run some errands. We’ll be home in a couple hours. What do you want to do for dinner tonight?
For some reason, a couple hours feels like an eternity. I’ve been away from them for nearly four days. I miss Stella like crazy, and Petra, well, I always want more time with her.
Aleksandr:How about I order something. What sounds good?
Petra:I have a voracious appetite, everything sounds good. Let me see what Stella wants.
Why does her comment have me wondering if she has a voracious sexual appetite as well? I bet she does. She strikes me as someone entirely comfortable with her own body, who wouldn’t let feelings or relationship status get in the way of satisfying her needs. Which makes her all that much more dangerous to be around. Because it doesn’t matter that I’ve wanted her since I was seventeen. I can never have her, even if it’s what she wants. I don’t know why she would want that, given that I made it abundantly clear when we were teenagers that I did not see her like that. And since she’s been back, I’ve continued with that charade, plus I’ve lied to her, basing our whole arrangement on partial truths. She can’t, and shouldn’t, trust me. Not to mention she’s working for me planning our end of season celebration in addition to being responsible for Stella. Having sex with her would be wrong oneverylevel.
I shake my head. How did I even go down that path? There is no indication Petra is even interested in a sexual relationship. Except, the way she was looking at me that day in the kitchen when I took my shirt off, and that moment we shared right before that frigid witch Irina showed up. The way she looked at me when I got out of the shower the other day, and her voice grew even more husky on the phone last night when I told her I was getting into the bath. I’d be lying to myself if I couldn’t admit that there was some heat in those moments. But most of the “heat” has come in the moments she’s mad at me, whichfaroutnumber the moments she looks like she’s undressing me with her eyes. Where she’s concerned, I can’t seem to do anything right.
Petra:Stella says pasta.
Aleksandr:Okay, I know an Italian restaurant she likes. Want me to order a few different things and we can just share?
Petra:Sounds great.
Aleksandr:Anything you don’t eat?
Petra:Nope. I’m an equal opportunity consumer of all food. Get dessert too!
A couple hours later, they still aren’t home, and I’m heading downstairs to grab the food delivery when Tom calls. It’s as if he could sense that I just spent a couple hours tryingnotto think about whether Petra spending more time with Stella is making her any more likely to help me get citizenship so I can adopt my niece.
“Any progress?” he asks.
“Nope.”
“You said I needed to let you do this your way,” he says, “but the needle is not moving forward enough since you two were in my office.”
“You don’t push a woman like Petra,” I tell him. “She’ll decide in her own time.”
“Well, let’s just hope nothing happens while we’re waiting for her to make up her fucking mind.” Tom sounds pissed off.
“What’s up?” I ask. “You aren’t this mad about my situation. What’s got you so spun up?”
Tom sighs. “Avery’s going away with her girlfriends this weekend.”
I try not to let my laughter escape as the elevator doors open. I take the bag from the delivery man who’s standing there, nod my thanks as I hand him a cash tip, and step back into the elevator before it closes. “You sound so pathetic right now.”
“I know. Trust me, I know.”
Tom’s been dating his assistant for a few months now, and after a very tumultuous beginning, they’re practically inseparable.
“Is this the first time you’ll spend a night apart since she moved in?”
“Yep. What are you doing tonight? I probably need to get out of my apartment, want to go grab a drink or something?”
“Can’t. I just got home, haven’t seen Stella in a few days. Besides, Petra probably has plans tonight since she’s kind of been stuck home while I’m gone.”