Page 85 of One Last Shot

I’m not sure if the heat I feel flooding into my face is embarrassment or anger. It’s unlike Jackson to call me out like this, but to be fair, I’d never think twice about saying something like that to one of my friends. It’s a taste of my own medicine, for sure.

“It’s probably time for us to start grilling that steak, right guys?” Nate is all smoothness as he steps back, cuing Josh and Beau to do the same.

The three of them are at the back door so quickly they almost forget the meat. While I glare at Jackson, Lauren takes the foil-wrapped serving platter from the fridge and brings it over to them.

“That was an asshole move,” I tell Jackson once the guys escape to the huge stone patio out back.

She smiles sweetly at me. “Sorry, but we don’t keep secrets from each other.”

“Like hell we don’t. One word—Marco.”

Sierra’s laugh bursts out of her mouth so quickly it surprises even her.

“Touché,” Jackson says with a small eye roll.

“Can we go back to you eye-fucking Alex Ivanov on national TV, please?” Lauren says. “Because it sure as hell didn’t look like you just happened to catch his eye. He was flat out staring at you, and who was that child you were holding? And why were you wearing his jersey?”

I share the same details I’d given Sierra over the phone two days ago. When I finish, there’s a moment where Lauren and Jackson are speechless, and Sierra looks nervously between them.

“Who even are you?” Lauren asks when I’m done. “What happened to hating kids?”

“And never spending more than one night with a guy? Now you’re married,” Sierra mutters.

I expect Jackson to chime in too, but when I glance at her, she’s just got this lost look like she’s sad or disappointed. “I guess we all have secrets,” she said. “I just didn’t expect that you’d have this person who was so important, so pivotal to your life, and never mention him once in all the years we’ve been friends.”

“It was such a long time ago,” I say, trying not to think about the fact that Aleksandr is hardly the only secret I’ve kept from her and from everyone else. “I guess I didn’t feel like sharing the parts of me that were devastated when he left like that.”

“Why did he?” Lauren asks. “It sounds like you two were so close, and obviously attracted to each other, and you loved each other ...” She trails off, trying to interpret his motivations. I’ve never been able to make sense of that, no matter how many times I thought it through.

“I don’t really know.”

“You didn’t ask?” Jackson asks. Her voice is incredulous. “That’s not like you either.”

“I feel unlike myself in a lot of ways lately,” I say, glancing over her head and out the kitchen window. All I see is the inky blue outline of the coniferous trees, barely lit by the light of the moon, lining the furthest extent of the patio.

“There has to be a reason,” Sierra says. “He obviously wanted you like you wanted him.”

“Or I misinterpreted the situation and made him super uncomfortable.”

“Do you think that’s what happened?” Lauren asks gently.

“No. But I don’t know why else he would have just left like that.”

“You need to find out, obviously,” Jackson says. “Because you can’t move forward with this relationship without knowing the truth.” Her words echo my own conclusions from my conversation with Sierra. “Maybe that’s what’s holding you back?”

Maybe. “What’s holding me back is the impossibility of it all. I’m moving to LA. He has to stay in New York. And the only way I can help him adopt Stella is to give up my dreams and move back to New York.”

“Would that really be giving up your dreams, though?” Jackson asks. “I mean, you didn’t even want this TV gig in the first place. You had to be convinced by your producer, and when we talked about it a few weeks ago, you still seemed kind of hesitant. Is this opportunity really worth giving up on a relationship that could be forever?”

“Why does she have to give up on it?” Sierra asks Jackson. “Obviously the show is important to hernow,even if she was hesitant to start with.” She turns toward me. “Why can’t you just take these couple months to film your show, see where the relationship goes, and figure out where to go once filming is done?”

“How in the world would I make a long-distance relationship work in the meantime?” I ask.

“Jackson and Nate did it,” Lauren reminds me. “After they got back together, he was still in Europe for a few months before he came back to Blackstone.”

“It was hard,” Jackson says, “but it wasn’t impossible. When you have something worth fighting for, Petra, you fight. You don’t walk away. Is this worth fighting for?”

I chew my lips between my teeth to hold in theYes!that wants to burst out. “I think so,” I finally say.

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