Page 37 of On the Line

I laugh out loud at that and tell her, “You sound exactly like my best friend, Petra. She hosts a TV show, and I think she said that exact thing on last week’s episode.”

“Wait, you’re friends with Petra Ivanova?” There’s true awe in her voice.

I’m taken aback for half a second at the use of Petra’s new last name. It’s still hard for me to adjust to, even though it’s been more than six months since she took Aleksandr’s name.

“Yeah. She was one of my closest friends in Park City, back before she moved to New York to be with Alex.” I’m careful not to mention the circumstances around the marriage, since it’s something the two of them refuse to talk about for fear the media will get ahold of the story.

“Oh my gosh,” AJ sighs and leans against the doorframe. “That’s so cool.”

“She’s going to be at the game tomorrow night,” I say. New York is in town to play the Rebels and Petra’s going to come up for it. “One of our other best friends, Jackson, is driving down from New Hampshire for the game too.” I wish Sierra could come as well, but she’s tooling around Europe with Beau.

“So you’ll be at the game?”

“Yeah, Petra got us all tickets.”

“You’d better not wear an Ivanov jersey,” AJ teases.

“I’ve been a Rebels fan since I was old enough to know what hockey is. Don’t you worry.”

“Where are you guys sitting?” she asks, and I pull up the ticket Petra texted me and show her. “All right, I’ll try to stop by and say hi. And I promise not to fangirl too hard over Petra.”

I can’t quite hold in the laugh that bubbles up as I imagine this powerful woman fangirling over my best friend. “She’s surprisingly down-to-earth,” I assure AJ.

* * *

Luckily, the team’s practice facility and offices are in Brighton, so it’s a short drive back to Brookline. And when I pull into my driveway, I notice Jules’s truck is still on the street, and so is Audrey’s SUV. The lights are on in the house, and I can see people moving around inside. I just sit in my car for a moment before I pull into the garage, absorbing the fact that this place feels like home already.

After I walk through the back door into the sunroom, and slip out of my shoes and hang my coat, I stop to listen to the sound of my kids playing and my friends and cousin laughing together. I have this moment of calm, like this is what was meant to happen.

I blink back the tears that spring to my eyes at the realization that Josh made this all possible, but doesn’t get to be here to enjoy this with us. Even though it’s been months since he passed, the grief still comes on suddenly. It’s always present, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming, or sometimes it’s tempered by the reality that our marriage wasn’t great for a year or two before he died. But today I’m filled with guilt that he did all of this—bought this house, started to remodel it—for us. He was working on making “us” better, and I didn’t know it until after he died.

I take a deep breath as I walk into the kitchen, and I’m amazed to find that it actually looks like a kitchen. “Oh my God!”

“Mommy!” my kids yell as they run into the kitchen and each grab on to one of my legs.

“Hey, girls,” I say. “What are you doing?” I lean down and pat their heads, then take another look around the kitchen, amazed that there are cabinets in all the right places. Yesterday the boxes arrived and were piled in what will be the informal eating area, between the kitchen and the sunroom, where we’re standing now.

“We play with friends,” Iris tells me.

“Friends?”

“She’s talking about Jules and Audrey,” Morgan says, walking into the kitchen with Jameson’s sisters on her heels.

“You guys, this looks amazing. I can’t believe you did this all in one day.”

“This part was easy,” Jules says. “Installing cabinets doesn’t take that long. Tomorrow the people from the stone yard will be here to measure and template the countertops, I’ll finish the trim work, and next week the painters will be here to paint. You’re still set on the color, right?”

I’ve chosen a grayish sage green for the lower cabinets and white for the upper cabinets, and I think the combination will look great with the soapstone counters and the original sink.

“Yep. I can’t believe how this is all coming together,” I tell them. “And I can’t wait to show Petra and Jackson when they’re here tomorrow.”

“They’re going to be so happy for you,” Morgan says.

“I know. They’re going to love what you ladies have done here,” I tell Jules and Audrey as I glance around the space and through the opening with pocket doors that they’ve created between the kitchen and the living room in the front of the house. “And I know they’re going to absolutely love the primary bedroom and bathroom upstairs, as much as I do.”

“He knew you’d love it,” Jules says, then clamps her lips together as she and Audrey share a look that raises goose bumps along my spine.

“He?” I ask. They didn’t know Josh. What are they talking about? When they don’t respond, I say, “What was that look you two just shared?”

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