Page 72 of On the Line

“You too, Lauren.” He pauses for a moment, then says, “I’m going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?”

Lauren responds with a dismissive “I’ll get something in a minute, thanks,” so Josh heads over to the bar only a few feet away.

“Lauren,” I say, dipping my head toward hers, because I can’t risk anyone else overhearing our conversation.

“God, I missed you,” she says, and the words pierce my heart because the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her, but I can’t see that I have any other choice.

“I can’t do this right now.”

“What can’t you do?” she says, her voice teasing as she looks up at me.

“Us.”

Those big blue eyes widen in hurt and confusion, and finally she stammers, “What?”

“I’m sorry if I gave you mixed signals last night, but nothing can happen between us.”

“But ...” She drifts off when she sees the hard look on my face. I’m not going to change my mind.

She looks away, squares her shoulders, glances back at me, and says, “I don’t know what’s changed since last night, but I’m not going to beg for your attention.” I hear the hurt in her voice and it guts me.

“Lauren ...” The word is a plea, but I don’t even know what I’m asking for. Forgiveness, maybe?

She holds her head up high, back ramrod straight, and tells me, “I hope you look back and regret this moment.”

I already do. “I’m doing what’s best for both of us. I’m not the right person for you, Lauren. Marriage and kids ... those things you want are not the things I want.”

Confusion haunts her eyes, then she turns and storms away, the graceful lines of her shoulders tempting me to follow her.

But I don’t. I put my family first, like I always have.

“Are you into her?” Josh asks, appearing at my side with a beer.

The question is like a sucker punch in the gut. “No, why? Are you?”

“Dude, she’s perfect. Hell yes, I could be into her.” He watches her retreat, and I see what he sees. She’s young and gorgeous, and I know she wants what he’s apparently looking for. Letting him go after her would be doing her a favor.

Why is this so fucking hard? He could give her exactly what she wants—what I can’t give her. He’d be better for her than I would.

But God, the thought of her with anyone else makes me want to throat punch someone.

I realize, too late based on the way Josh is looking at me, that my jaw is clenched so tight it’s making my teeth hurt.

“You sure you’re not into her?” he asks.

I feel the same way a bull must feel when it’s breathing hard, head lowered, pawing at the dirt. There’s irrational anger, and all my instincts to charge are kicking in. But I take a deep breath and tell the lie that I’m confident I’ll regret. “I’m sure.”

You’re doing what’s best for her, I tell myself.No matter how much it hurts.

CHAPTER21

LAUREN

“What. The. Actual. Fuck.” I can barely get the words out past the huge lump in my throat, and the inside of my nose stings like it always does when I’m about to cry. “You had feelings for me and you ... what? Couldn’t handle thinking about a future for us because Audrey got pregnant, then you pawned me off on Josh because he was looking to settle down?”

What he’s told me confirms my worst suspicions about why Josh wanted to get married so quickly—it wasn’t because he couldn’t live without me, it was because fucking Barb was hounding him to give her grandchildren. The irony of her hating me and almost never seeing her grandchildren is not lost on me.

Hot tears are now cresting my lower lids and I wipe them away with my napkin.

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