Page 73 of On the Line

“You were always the one that got away, Lauren.”

“I didn’t get away. Youpushedme away.”

“Same difference.”

“No.” My voice reflects my certainty and my anger. “It’s not. The difference is enormous. It didn’t have to happen that way.”

“It did. You were too young. You were looking for forever, and I couldn’t offer you that.”

“That’s total bullshit, Jameson, and you know it. Yeah, you found yourself in the position of having to help raise another kid, unexpectedly, just when you thought your sisters were grown and flown. But if you’d wanted to, you could have made room for me in your life, in your family. And you know what I would have done, if you’d let me?”

“What?”

“I’d have adored Graham then, just like I do now. He’s a great kid, and he deserves to haveallthe people in his corner, not just you, Audrey, and Jules. But he can’t, because you push everyone away.”

Across the booth, he sits with that for a minute. “I don’t push everyone away. The people I love, I hold them close and protect them. Jules and Audrey? Those two are the best thing I ever did.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “You sound like you’re eighty. I’m not diminishing what you sacrificed to raise them.” I think about what it must have been like to retire at the peak of his NHL career so he could be there for his sisters. He never talks about that—has never admitted that it’s why he left the NHL. But I’m certain that’s the case. “You did a really great job. But also, you’re entitled to the life you want to have. You’re entitled to be happy too.”

He gets up and comes to my side of the booth, sliding in next to me. He puts one arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, using his other hand to wipe away the tears. I rest my head on his chest. He smells like oranges and cloves and wood—spicy and masculine.

I’m so mad that he made this decision for us five years ago without giving me a say. But also, I feel safe in his arms. It’s a confusing and conflicting place to be.

“I don’t think you understand. Ineverwanted to get married. I saw what marriage can do to a person, how it absolutely destroyed my father when my stepmom died.”

“I think you saw whatgriefcan do to a person. But it doesn’t have to be like that, Jameson. Just because that’s how your dad handled his grief, it doesn’t mean you have to choose that path.”

“I’d convinced myself that I was happy being single,” he says. “But you make me realize that I could be so much happier.”

“You’re saying things that twenty-five-year-old me dreamed of hearing ...” I sigh.

“But not thirty-year-old you?”

“Jameson, thirty-year-old me has two kids. And you just told me that you had a vasectomy because youneverwanted kids.”

“First of all, they’re reversible. And second, I was pretty certain. But you and Ivy and Iris have made me see that differently too.”

I freeze, paralyzed by this admission. “I literally just figured out that you want more than a friends-with-benefits situation ...” I don’t even know how to finish that sentence. “Now you’re talking about marriage? And kids?”

He shrugs. “I’m saying that, for the first time in my life, I can picture that formyself. Even though I raised my sisters and have helped with Graham, I never pictured myself as a dad. There’s never been anyone else who I wanted to imagine a future with.”

“I’m starting to question whether you know the meaning of ‘take it slow,’ Jameson.” I make a joke out of it because I’m still processing. I didn’t think there was any way I would ever trust someone again after all the ways Josh lied to me, but Jameson is making me reconsider that ... and it scares me.

“I’m taking it slow for your sake,” he says, pressing his lips to the top of my hair again. “I told you earlier, I’m not making the same mistake again. I’m not going anywhere—I’ll be here, waiting, until you’re ready.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? Because I don’t know how long it will take me to truly be ready to move on.”

“I can wait as long as you need.”

I hope he really means that, because I’m not sure what it would take for me to be ready to invite someone into my life in the way he’s describing. But if there’s anyone I can picture that with, it’s him.

* * *

“What the hell happened to your face?” Jules asks Jameson the minute we walk in the door. “You look even more hideous than normal.”

He rolls his eyes, then winces.

“Got in a little bit of an altercation last night with Lauren’s ex-boyfriend from high school.”

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