Page 91 of On the Line

I reach above me and grip the top of the doorframe with one hand, put my other hand on her hip, and lean toward her. “I’m also happy to take my clothes off, in case you need help remembering how good I look naked.”

A laugh bursts out of her. “As tempting as that offer is, I need to talk to you.”

I pull her close and kiss her forehead. “Why don’t you come in, then.”

I lead her straight through the living room of my sterile apartment, without giving her the full tour. She doesn’t need to see my place, because I don’t plan on living here much longer.

I grab a blanket off the back of the couch before I slide open the door to the small roof-deck. It’s one of those rare early spring days where it feels like it’s warm because we’re so used to the cold and snow. I gesture for her to sit on the outdoor couch while I start the fire pit. She wraps the blanket around her, and when I sit next to her, she cuddles up to my side.

“You’re a blanket hog, you know.”

“I didn’t know you’d want to share,” she says.

“Like that would stop you. Even in bed, you steal all the blankets at night.”

“Good thing you run hot,” she says, looking up at me and tracing the line of my cheekbone, from my black eye down to the corner of my lip, with her finger.

“Good thing. How was your talk with Sophia?” There’s no reason to beat around the bush.

“Surprisingly good.” She snuggles in closer but doesn’t give me any other details.

“Is that really all I get?”

“She told me her side of the story, which you’ve already heard. And she reminded me that what Josh did wasn’t about me, it was about him being a narcissist who thought he could and should have whatever he wanted, no matter who he had to lie to or hurt in order to get it. Even though I knew that, hearing it from her was validating. And then, we decided that Josh had great taste in women, obviously.” She looks up again and gives me an adorable eye roll.

“You’re handling this so differently than I expected.”

“I have wasted too much time already being upset about Josh. He gave me two beautiful girls and in spite of everything else he did—or maybe because of it—I now have a life I truly love. I finally feel ready to leave him where he belongs ... in my past.”

“I’m glad. And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Josh and Sophia right away. I know you felt like I lied to you, too—”

“You discovered the lie that trumped all of Josh’s other lies—” She lets out a slightly bitter sounding laugh. “—and when you were keeping that from me, I ... I didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry about how I reacted, and I’m sorry that I left with my friends and didn’t give you a chance to explain. I wasn’t my best self last night. I was actually kind of my worst self, honestly.”

I tighten my arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head. “If I can’t love you at your worst, I don’t deserve you at your best.”

She tilts her head back against my arm and stares up at me. “Jameson Flynn, did you just say you love me?”

“I’ve been obsessed with you since your twenty-two-year-old self walked into my office, all sass and sweetness. But you were too young for me, and I knew it. And three years later, once I’d seen your determination, your openness, and the way you put your heart into everything you do, and once I finally opened up to you and you liked what you saw, I knew we could be good for each other. I’ll forever be sorry that I didn’t fight for us then, and that we had to wait five years to get to this point.

“But now ... now I love the woman you’ve become—the kindness and empathy you show, the way you love your girls, the way you accept help when you need it, the way you’ve built a whole new life for yourself here in Boston, the way you’ve opened yourself up to another relationship even though you were burned badly before. I don’t think there’s anything Idon’tlove about you, honestly. And there probably never has been.”

In her eyes, I see those feelings reflected back at me, even if she’s not ready to say she loves me yet.

“I love that you’re always here for me,” she says, “no matter what—that you are patient with me and great with my kids, that you are amazing with your sisters and nephew, that you have this soft side that you don’t show the world, but that you’ve shown me. I love your protective streak, and that you only open up to the people you really care about. You make me feel like forever is a possibility.”

“It is. You just have to be ready to take that risk with me.”

“I’m ready.” Her words are barely more than a whisper. “I think I’ve been ready all along, but I’ve let fear keep me from admitting it to myself or to you.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Loving again ... getting hurt again ... losing you again ...”

I reach over and cup her jaw in my hand, promising myself that I’ll always remember how lucky I am that she’s choosing me, that we’ve made our way back to each other. “I’m committed to this. To us. I can’t promise that neither of us will ever hurt the other, but I can promise you that we’ll always work through it—that we won’t give up on each other.”

She grips my forearm with her hand and gives me a little squeeze that conveys so much. “That’s exactly what I want in a relationship.”

My lips meet hers tentatively, like the gentle first kiss we never had. We originally came together in an explosion ... a firework with a long fuse that had been burning so slowly it felt like it might never light off. But now, I kiss her like I intend to cherish her for the rest of my life—because I do.

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