Page 76 of Center Ice

“Sure,” she agrees, and I wonder if it’s only because she wants me to feel useful. “That would be nice.”

While the tea steeps, I head outside and set up one of the chairs on the deck. I drag it into the sunshine so she’ll get some warmth, and I pull the cushions out of the big storage bin. Mom comes out with her tea, a book, and a blanket slung over her arm, and gets herself situated in the chair.

Meanwhile, I drag the tools out from where I’ve stored them in the shed, and I get to work. I’ve cut exactly one piece of wood trim when Mom starts offering me what my sisters and I like to call her “helpful suggestions.” Normally, this kind of nit picking would drive me crazy, but I’m so relieved that she seems sharp and astute that I just agree with everything she says.Cut a little more off that piece…sure (I pretend to make another pass withthe miter saw).You need to move that ladder over a bit…will do (I move it an inch).You should paint that blue, so it matches the house…great idea (I already got the paint in that exact color).

I’m standing under the tree, admiring my handiwork, thinking all that’s left to do is paint, when Mom scares the shit out of me by stepping right up beside me. I was so lost in thought, thinking about Graham and whether he’ll like this little surprise, that I didn’t even hear her approach.

“Missy and the boys are going to stop by,” she says after I finish clutching my chest from the shock. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to put all this away first?”

I understand the opportunity she’s giving me to keep this project a secret. “Thanks for the heads up. How much time do I have?”

“’Bout fifteen minutes.” Mom watches me pack up the table saw and the wood, and finally she asks, “Are you going to tell Missy about Audrey and Graham?”

“Caitlyn didn’t tell her?”

“Not that I know of. But what do I know?”

“Audrey and I haven’t told Graham yet, so I don’t want Ryan and Finn to know they have a cousin yet either. I want to bring them both over so everyone can get to know them, but it’s hard if everyone knows Graham’s my kid except for him. So I really need to talk to Audrey about it first and figure out how we want to handle this together.”

“I’m proud of you. You know that, right?”

“In general?” I ask. “Or about this, specifically?”

“Both. I’m proud of how you’ve worked through tough situations, and I’m happy you’ve found the right team for you. But also, I’m proud of how you’re managing this. A lot of men wouldn’t have handled this as well as you have, especially since you didn’t know about Graham from the beginning.”

“I wish I had,” I say, shoving my hands in the back pocket of my jeans. “At the same time, what would twenty-two-year-old me have been like as a father? How would I have played hockey in Vancouver if Audrey and Graham were here? Maybe…” I look up at the deep blue sky with orange streaks above the trees from the setting sun. “I don’t know. Maybe it happened this way for a reason. Audrey would never have left Boston?—”

“Are you sure?” Mom asks.

“She’s so close with Jameson and Jules, her siblings. They all basically raised Graham together. She and Jules own a company together, and it’s doing so well—they’re just getting started.”

“Why do you sound sad about that?”

“I’m thrilled for her,” I say, as Mom and I start walking across the lawn toward the back deck. “She and Jules have worked really damn hard to make this happen. But the reality is, there’s still a reasonable chance I won’t end up playing for Boston next year, and there’s no way she’s leaving.”

“She said that?” My mom’s question literally stops me in my tracks, so she turns to face me. “Or did you assume?”

“I mean…why would she leave all that behind?”

Mom stares at me, but doesn’t respond, then she shakes her head and turns toward the house.

“What?” I call out as I take a few steps to catch up to her.

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, if she feels the same way about you that you do about her, she’d move so your family could stay together?”

I actually had never considered that possibility…not because it isn’t what I want, but because I didn’t dare hope that it would be possible. She’s still so tentative about our relationship.

“She’s used the fact that I might have to leave Boston after this season as a reason for usnotto have a relationship, Mom. So I’m not really sure she’d consider moving.”

“Maybe because you haven’t asked her if she would?” Mom’s voice is so hopeful. “You can’t expect her to consider it if you don’t offer it up.”

“Hmmm.” She might be right. Or that might freak her the fuck out. I feel like I started off a little too intense for her, and maybe I need to dial it back a bit. That said, I don’t want her to doubt my feelings. So it’s quite a conundrum.

“What if?—”

“Hey, anyone home?” Missy’s voice carries through the house and out the door to the deck, which I’d left cracked open.

“We’re out here!” I call to her, giving Mom a look that says,We’ll have to finish this conversation later.

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