Page 64 of Fake Shot

The difference between when I asked her to fake this whole engagement and now, is that I actuallyamhappy. I’m not pretending, and it’s almost entirely because Jules is here with me. Even the earlier argument with my brother where I finally admitted how much he hurt me, it felt like letting go in a way that freed me to finally be happy again.

Tonight, Jules is wearing a black jumpsuit with an open back covered in black lace. It dips low enough in the front that her cleavage is on display, but not so low that it’s not still classy. For someone who spends their days on a construction site, she sure cleans up well.

I watch as she tosses those blond waves over her shoulder, laughing at something my mom said, and I realize that even as gorgeous and glamorous as she looks now, I’d rather have her in a tank top and shorts padding around the house barefoot with her hair in a bun and no makeup. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve come downstairs for some made-up reason because the thought of us both being in the same house but not being together gives me hives.

Watching my parents renew their vows earlier, all I could think about was how I never thought I wanted what they had—or at least, since Cheri and Gabriel betrayed me, Itoldmyself I didn’t want that. But today, with Jules by my side and her smile so genuine as she watched my parents together...I don’t know. I keep wondering what life would be like with her.

I don’t know what to do about these feelings I have, and how at odds they are with the promise I easily made to my best friend a couple of weeks ago. I’m starting to wonder if he might be okay with us being together if he knew how real my feelings are—that this isn’t just because I’m desperate to get her in bed, this is me wanting and needing to be with her every minute possible.

I’ve been viewing this situation as analogous to Gabriel and me fifteen years earlier. Jameson is asking me to look after his little sister, just like I asked Gabriel to look after Cheri for me. But is it really the same? Gabriel and Cheri getting together was a betrayal of my trust because she and I were dating. It’s not the same with Jameson and Jules...she’s his little sister whom he raised. Making things real between us, as long as we didn’t go behind his back,wouldn’t be betraying his trust or our friendship. I don’t think?

“I never thought I’d seeyoulooking lovestruck.” My dad’s voice comes from directly beside me, but I was so focused on Jules that I didn’t even notice he was there. His hair is grayer in a way I hadn’t noticed earlier.

“I mean, look at her,” I say, as if it’s her looks that have me feeling all these conflicting emotions.

“Yeah,” my dad says, “but it’s not the way she looks. It’s the wayyoulook ather—and the way she practically glows when you do.”

I press my lips between my teeth, wishing I could ask his advice about this, about how to handle it with Jameson so I don’t break his trust, but still get what I want. But I don’t just want her—Ineedher in my life.

However, I don’t have any reason to believe she wants me in the same way—for anything more than a physical relationship. I also don’t have any reason to believe she doesn’t want more. Aside from the sexual frustration, she’s kept her feelings well-hidden as we’ve tried to navigate this engagement situation together. Clearly, we need to talk.

“She’s pretty incredible,” I say, because my dad’s looking at me like he’s wondering why I’m lost in my own head. “She makes me feel...” I’m not sure where I’m going with this, so I say the first thing that comes to my mind. “...complete.”

“I think that’s how you know you found the one,” Dad says.

I’m about to respond—to ask him how you can ever be sure that someone isthe one—but then Jules is walking toward us, a big smile on her face. When she comes to a stopin front of us, she says, “Mind if I steal my fiancé away for a dance? This is my favorite song.”

As she drags me onto the dance floor, I laugh and say, “Of course ‘Landslide’ is your favorite song.”

She wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Why is that so predictable?”

“Because Stevie Nicks wrote that song when her life was in upheaval. It’s all about self-reflection and going after what you want and the fear of making big changes, of letting go.”

I feel the “Hmmm” she lets out in response as it reverberates between our chests. “It always makes me think of my dad.”

“Is that a good thing?” I ask. I can’t imagine how it would be, given what I saw between them this morning, but I know she has good memories of him.

“In a way. He used to play a lot of Fleetwood Mac on job sites. I definitely get my musical taste from him. Anyway, this song always reminds me of how choices have consequences—how they can be a turning point, or the avalanche that does you in.”

It occurs to me then that in the two weeks we’ve been “engaged,” she hasn’t had a single panic attack...that I know of. “Is that how you feel when you’re not in control? Like an avalanche is coming?”

“I don’t know, Colt,” she says as she looks up at me and winks. “I never lose control long enough to find out.”

Iglance up from my phone, where I was taking a second look at the photos of my condo that mycontractor sent minutes ago, and Jules and I just flipped through. The electrical has all been redone, and the plumbers finished their work earlier today. Pretty soon, we’ll be ready for insulation and drywall, and I suspect that once that’s done, the rest of the renovation will go pretty quickly.

The thought of moving back to my condo has a thin layer of sweat breaking out across my skin. The only thing I miss about that space is the view, and even as spectacular as it is, it doesn’t have me wanting to move out of Jules’s place.

Next to me, she toys with the lime in her drink as she stares across the restaurant, where Cheri stands next to Gabriel at the bar. Her hair is the same shade of blond as Jules’s, ashy with some light brown undertones, though hers ends just below her shoulders while Jules wears hers longer. Cheri’s got blue eyes too, but they’re lighter and washed out compared to Jules’s.

Cheri’s aged well—she has the natural look of a woman who’s spent a lot of time outdoors, doesn’t use much makeup, and has chosen to wear her age instead of trying to cover it up in an attempt to look younger. She also looks happy. Gabriel was right about the fact that they are better together than she and I ever were.

“Is that why you were never attracted to me?” Jules asks quietly.

My head snaps toward her, and she looks like she’s in pain, so I reach out, looping my hand around her hip and turning her toward me. Then dipping my head close to hers, I ask, “What are you talking about, Tink?”

“Back when I used to have a crush on you. Is that why you weren’t attracted to me?” She nods her chin toward Cheri. “It’s pretty easy to do the math. I was nineteen inVegas, the same age that you guys were when she slept with your brother. Did I remind you of her?”

My other hand moves to her chin, my thumb on one side of her jaw and my fingers on the other as I tilt her face up so she’s forced to look me in the eye. “I was nevernotattracted to you. I just never let myself look at you that way. Partially because you have blond hair and, yeah, since Cheri, I’ve never been with a blonde. But also, because I always thought of you like a sister.”

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