Page 98 of Cross-Checked

“There is when you’re taken.” Colt rolls his eyes. “Our better halves will be here soon, and then hopefully this won’t be an issue.”

I wish AJ were coming. Not that she could slide in the booth next to me so I could wrap my arm over her shoulder like my friends can do with their girlfriends and fiancées. But just being able to see her, meet her eye across the table...

Zach sighs. “Ashleigh can’t come tonight. She has to be at her internship really early tomorrow.”

“Remind me where she’s interning,” Drew says.

Ashleigh is studying to become an aerospace engineer, and Zach talks a bit about the defense contractor she’s doing a paid internship with this summer. The way he describes her role on the project oozes with pride.

“Man, you fell for her fast,” I say. They met at a diner in Seattle where she was waitressing about six months ago.

Colt scoffs. “You should see how fast I fell for Jules.” The way Drew side-eyes him makes me wonder if my suspicions about their engagement are right. He’s been telling everyonethey’ve been secretly dating since October, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s more recent and there’s more to the story.

“Hey, when you know, you know,” Zach says, smiling.

“That’s how it was with Audrey, too,” Drew adds. “Like the minute she was back in my life, I knew I wanted so much more than just to co-parent with her.”

“How did you know it was love, though?” I ask, looking around the table, clearly asking all of them the question.

Four pairs of eyes focus on me like I just said something incredibly revealing. And maybe I did. Maybe even asking the question makes it obvious that I have a vested interest in the answer? But I have nothing to go on here. I’ve never been in love, and while I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m feeling here, I don’t have anything to compare it to.

I press my lips to the mouth of my bottle and tilt it back, taking a long pull of beer and hoping that they’re not still staring at me when my head comes forward.

No such luck.

“Oh shit,” Colt says with a laugh, and then falls uncharacteristically quiet.

“Are you seeing someone?” Zach asks.

I snort a laugh to show them how ridiculous that idea is. I don’t date, and they know that. I swore off dating after Jenna and I broke up, and that was before she showed up with my baby. The one time I broke that rule was a disaster.

Besides, I wouldn’t call what AJ and I have “dating.” It’s more like...I don’t even know. What do you call it when you’re sneaking around with your boss, and are so desperate to be with her every available second that you move her into your place even though she lives across the hall? That you stay in her hotel room on the road?

“I’m notseeingsomeone,” I say with an eye roll and a shrug, but the added signs of indifference don’t seem to dissuade them.

“Oh, so you’re just asking about how to know if you’re in love for...what? Research purposes?” Drew asks, his voice so full of sarcasm I want to throat punch him.

“I’m asking because I have no idea...” I draw out the words like it’s painful to talk to these idiots. I hope they’re buying the attitude, rather than sensing how eager I am to know their answer. Because I’ve never actually felt so entirely consumed, I’ve never been in a situation where I couldn’t picture my life without that person. “...and you’re all sostupidlyin love with your women, I was curious how you knew it was love and not just like infatuation or something.”

“Remember in the fall when we all met for dinner, back when I was trying to figure out how to convince Audrey to trust that I wanted, and was ready for, a real relationship with her?” Drew asks me.

“Yeah.” I huff out a laugh, remembering how we all offered ridiculous advice before Walshy started dropping truth bombs.

“Walsh told us that the secret to a successful relationship was that you need to complement each other, to balance each other out,” Drew says. “And when that happens, when there’s that perfect sense of symbiosis, and you realize that you’re happier with that person than you could ever be without them—that’s how you know.”

I think about what he’s saying, and about how easy and natural everything is with AJ. But more than that, I think about how much I crave her company, how life just feels incomplete when she’s not around.

“Doesn’t that get hard, feeling like you can’t be happy when she’s not around?”

There must be something in my tone, because four sets of eyes are back on me. “He didn’t say you couldn’t be happy without her,” Colt says. “He said you’rehappierwith that person than you could ever be without her.”

The realization hits me, harder than it has before: I could never be happy without AJ.

“You sure you’re okay?” Hartmann’s eyebrows dip as he looks at me.

“Yes, Lover Boy, I’m sure. Why? Are you in love, and we don’t know it?” Am I an asshole for deflecting this conversation back to him? Quite possibly. Do I care? Not at the moment.

His cheeks pinken, because Hartmann’s still got a bit of a baby face and is like a goddamned golden retriever—happy and wagging his tail one minute, then talking shit and irritating me the next. It’s hard to imagine Lover Boy ever being serious enough to fall in love.

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