Page 27 of Carter

I turned my face to his after I was done exploring the vehicle and waited expectantly for that kiss I had demanded. He just stared at me, hesitating as he took in my lips with thoughtful eyes.

“Leah,” he started quietly, “I’m not a relationship kind of guy. You’ve always known that.”

Heart failure. “But you asked me to be with you.”

“I know, it’s just…” he sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. “I don’t want to fuck up our friendship. Some days it’s all I have, and I can’t stand the thought of being responsible for hurting you.”

You’ve already hurt me.“You won’t hurt me.”

“Yes, I will,” he said with conviction. “That’s just how I’m wired, Leah. I’m a fucking disaster, and I’ll take you down with me if you expect me to give you all of me.”

Knifed right in the chest. “You’re not a disaster, Carter. Besides, you can’t try and convince me not to want you. I’m old enough to decide for myself what I want, and it’s you. Let’s just see how it goes. We don’t have to call ourselves anything. We’ll still be friends and a little more. I know you want that.”

Yeah, he did. It was written on his face. He wanted to kiss me again, but he truly believed he wasn’t good for me. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was being selfish, pushing him past his limits for my own needs. I’m telling you right now love is a dangerous and complicated thing. It destroys logic and shuts away the whispering voice inside your head warning you of the damage to come. Even then I knew it was going to be all my fault if he pushed me away later on. I would be nursing a devastated heart and have nobody to blame but myself.

Yet… I just didn’t care. I was too obsessed with having him in any way I could get him. If I pushed him to justtryand be with me, maybe he would want it as much as me. Maybe whatever was holding him back would go away.

“Are you offering me a friends-with-benefits type of relationship?” he wondered aloud.

I hesitated a moment. The term made me cringe, but I swallowed and nodded anyway. “Sure. If that’s what you want.”

“Are you sure about this?” he suddenly asked, looking over every inch of my face, trying to discern me when he should have known I’d spent the last seven years of my life fighting to hide my hurt.

“I’m sure,” I answered with a tentative smile. “Give me more.”

And that was all it took for him to bridge the gap. Without reservation, he kissed me again, harder than before and without restraint. He climbed back over me, grabbing at my legs this time to spread them apart.

“If it’s too much, tell me to stop,” he panted in between our kisses. “I’m not going to push you, Angel.”

I nodded against his lips as he ravaged me.

“God, I’ve wanted this…” he moaned in my mouth, making my heart seize in my chest. “You taste so good, Leah.”

His hands roamed my body and my own grabbed at his jacket, pulling it off him. He aimlessly threw it somewhere and grabbed at my hoodie. It disappeared too. With his body pressed against mine, I wasn’t cold. On the contrary, it was burning beneath him, seeking more of his touch until it felt like I would combust. Our heavy breaths fogged up the car windows making the streetlights look like smears of light inside.

I surprised myself with the noises that came out of my mouth when he grinded between my legs. Delicious sparks shot up inside of me, making my legs clench him tightly to me. I was tingling everywhere, and I grabbed at his shirt and threw it off. My hands roamed his hard chest and the second they inched down to his abdomen, along where his V teased me for more, Carter grabbed them and forced them away from his zipper.

“No,” he whispered against my mouth. “Not like this, Leah.”

“Yes, like this,” I pleaded. “Please. I really want this, Carter. I always wanted this with you.”

I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was horny, if we were going to be a hundred thousand percent honest. Something about him made my inhibitions disappear. He didn’t have condoms and I wasn’t on birth control. I was playing with fire, and I didn’t want to end up burned, homelessandknocked up. But at the time it seemed reasonable. In that split second, with the throbbing between my legs begging for friction, I rationalized I most likely wouldn’t end up pregnant. And besides, the world would go on.

The world always went on.

So yeah, I pleaded, and giving a man that was also horny that power to choose must have been absolute agony for him.It was totally irresponsible of me. I would learn to appreciate it later on, but when he moved off of me yet again, I felt nothing short of resentment.

To me it felt like he had rejected me. Like once again I was thrown to the wayside. How could he turn me down? Didn’t he care how foolish and humiliated I’d feel?

All those unnecessary emotions swirled inside of me like a tornado, shattering my hope into a million little pieces.

“No,” he simply said softly, giving my ear a kiss. “I’m not going to take you like this, Angel.”

I didn’t respond for some time.

I stiffened when he pulled me closer against his side, spooning me again, but eventually his warmth seeped into my bones and I relaxed to the feel of him. He continued kissing the side of my face, waiting for me to turn my head to him. It took me a few moments to let go of my anger. This was Carter. I couldn’t fight this if I tried. Feeling defeated, I turned my face to him and kissed him. The kiss was languid and deep. It worsened the need between my legs, and I might have cried if I didn’t feel his hand inching below my shirt.

I was flushed and shaking, and in my mind I kept pleading for him to do something to me.Anything.I just wanted that ache gone.

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