Page 50 of Carter

“Who did you call?”

He shut his eyes and sighed. I couldn’t help it. I needed to know what was wrong, even if it meant him yelling at me again.

“Carter.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You wouldn’t have had so much to drink if it was nothing.”

He opened his eyes and stared at me evenly. “Jesus, you don’t stop, do you?”

I shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry that I can’t help it. I care for you.”

“Well, fuck, Leah, you’re not my personal diary, alright? If I want to keep things private, I will.”

Whoa.

Where had that come from?

I blinked back tears. He was so blasé saying that to me. It wasn’t everyday he was in these kinds of moods. In fact, I could count on one hand how many times he’d talked to me like this.

It stung.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he then said, shaking his head. “You can’t demand shit I ask you to let go of and expect me to be a patient saint about it.”

“I’m only trying to help.”

“I don’t need your fucking help, Leah. I don’t need any of it. So keep it, alright? Hold onto yourhelpand leave me alone.”

I casually wiped my eye. I wasn’t crying or anything. I was tired. That was all.

I nodded at him. “Okay,” I finally said in a whisper. “I’ll leave you alone then.”

I stood up and returned to bed, feeling a little defeated. If I was his best friend, why wouldn’t he let me in like one?

I waved my hand over my eyes. Nothing was coming out. I refused to let that happen. Nobody had the right to make youcry, and I didn’t want to blame a man I loved for doing it. If nothing came out, I couldn’t be sad about it.

He was just upset, I consoled myself as I slipped under the covers. Everyone is entitled to want to be alone. Maybe I shouldn’t have pried, but he’d been there for me every time I was down. He’d come into the stall of a women’s public restroom just to make sure I was okay.

I only wanted to be there in the same capacity.

I shut my eyes and tried to forget, all the while listening intently on every noise outside the room. He was out there, shutting me out, and I was in here, praying he was okay.

Maybe at that point I should have realized I deserved a little better.

*

An arm wrapped around me a couple hours later, stirring me awake. I felt like the dead. My eyes were raw, my heart aching.

Carter’s mouth skirted along my neck and shoulder. His familiar scent clouded around me like a blanket, and I couldn’t help the way my body responded to it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered contritely.

I shook my head at him. “Don’t be. I was prying.”

“Only because you care.”

He continued to kiss me, and I relaxed in his hold, feeling that heavy ache in my chest disappear. My mood was always so intertwined with his, and I knew that wasn’t a good thing. I should have been the one demanding space this time. He was clouding my thoughts. Issues like the ones he was going through couldn’t just disappear, which meant I would be facing his attitude problems more in the future, and I didn’t want to be on the other end of that.

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