Page 57 of Carter

When I finished, I wrapped the towel around me and headed for my bedroom—because sleeping together was still against his rules. Walking in, I was startled to find Carter leaning against my dresser with his arms crossed. He was usually sprawled in bed at this point, not standing there in nothing but his usual briefs, looking like we were going to discuss something heavy.

I stared at him once before opening the drawer of the scratched-to-shit tallboy. The drawer creaked annoyingly, reminding me why second-hand furniture that sold at a bizarrely cheap price wasn’t always an investment. I pulled out my nightgown and then tried closing it. The drawer shuddered and the tallboy shook as I pushed and then stopped because it wasn’t going to fucking close.

“I’ll fix it,” I heard Carter say.

I sighed and turned around. “Okay.”

Then we just stood there for several moments.

The air was charged, and I was very uneasy. He stared at me for a long time, his eyes hard, his mouth pressed in a line. He seemed cloudier than usual. He’d had a few beers, so perhaps he was a little tipsy.

“You’re not your usual self,” he finally muttered.

I didn’t want to talk about this now. I looked away instead.

“Leah,” he pressed softly. “I can read you like a book. I know you were upset at the table.”

Without helping it, I opened my mouth and retorted, “You mean when you referred to me as yourfriend?”

He exhaled loudly. “It was an asshole move, I get it.”

“It’s not an asshole move if that’s how you really feel. I’m actually glad to know that’s what I am to you. Just a friend—”

“Fuckin’ hell, Leah, I was put on the spot. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“You weren’t thinking straight,” I repeated sceptically.

“That’s the truth.”

“And if someone asked you again what I was to you, what would your answer be?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He shut it back and readjusted his stance against the dresser, no longer looking me in the eye.

Well, there you go.

“Wow,” I mumbled in shock. “Nowthat’sthe truth, huh? Well, look, I’m not going to start a fight about what happened. I’d like some space tonight to think things through.”

“Think what through?” he demanded, his eyes back on mine, wider than before.

“Just…things,” I said sharply.

“Don’t overthink it, Leah.”

I didn’t reply. I left the room and returned to the bathroom. Shutting it, I threw my towel off and shrugged into my nightgown. Then I sat on the edge of the tub and tried to avoid addressing the ache in the pit of my being.

What were my options?

Why did I want to cry and keep crying?

Why did I want the one man to ease me when he was the reason why I wanted to cry in the first place?

That looming depression formed like a cloud over my head once more. My patience was depleted. I thought time would help bring us closer together, that he’d look at me one morning and tell me I was it for him.

That day wasn’t coming.

Forget it.

I had to focus on other things. Like my impending school year at Uni. Yeah, see, this was more important.

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