Page 65 of Carter

Tears fell from my eyes. It was like a dam had burst. I’d swallowed up the pain and it had sat there, swelling and swelling behind my eyelids, until it couldn’t hold back any longer.

I wiped them away. I’d revealed my emotions entirely. I said the L word, something I was sure he wasn’t prepared for. But it was true, and I was sick of pretending.

I loved him.

Fuck, I really loved him.

I wasinlove with him.

He was my whole world.

Oh, my God, what was happening?

Carter was stunned speechless, to say the least. For a second I considered taking my words back and forgetting this whole thing happened, but the easy way out seemed like a coward’s thing to do, and I didn’t want to be that for another second.

“You already know my answer,” he whispered through his shock.

I just stared at him, unmoving, and my heart stopped, too.

He let out a heavy breath. “So that’s it then, huh? You’re going to break this off because of some expected commitment I never ever gave you the illusion of giving.”

I just shook my head at him. “You’re lying to yourself. You know you want more too. You know we have something. You know it could be even more amazing. You know I love you. You’ve always known it.”

He stilled again, swallowing hard. He didn’t look me in the eye as he backed away to the doorway slowly. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

My mouth fell.

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.

Or burned my insides until there was nothing left.

He wassorryI loved him?

“You’re a lot more broken than I ever thought you were,” I muttered lifelessly.

He turned away just then and left the room. He didn’t come back. He didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the night.

I stood in the centre of the room for the longest time in a complete daze. It was sheer force that made me crawl into bed. Even then my mind couldn’t let go of his words, and I was fighting back another dam of tears.

That was it? We were done just like that? Because I wanted more?

It almost didn’t feel real. I kept waiting for him to come back to me. To wake me up in the middle of the night and tell me he’d made the wrong decision.

But he didn’t.

Instead, I was more confused than ever. My hopes had been squandered. I’d spent so long believing in him and thinking he would realize what I meant to him.

But no.

Everything after that night went to shit.

Carter

I wasn’t capable of more.

I needed simple.

I needed something beautiful without the pain.

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