Page 71 of Carter

To be fair, it was entirely my fault. I wanted more right from the start and was willing to take him in any way.

It made this entire situation all the more tragic, and I felt almost betrayed that even after everything, he didn’t want more.

I hated him a little.

“Look, despite everything, I care about our friendship,” he continued. “I don’t want us to have a fall-out. I can’t stand to have you against me. This can be worked on. We can resume what we were before… all of this. We can still be friends, Leah. Nothing on the side. Just friends.”

With a flat voice, I asked, “Is that what you want?”

His eyes flicked to mine, and he swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“Then why do you sound uncertain?”

“I’m not,” he denied firmly.

I took another sip of my coffee and shook my head at him. With a monotone voice, I told him, “Somehow I don’t think beingfriendsis wise.”

“Why?”

“Everything that’s happened is too fresh, don’t you think?”

He frowned. “So what would you rather us be then, Leah?”

I shrugged. “We’ll co-exist, and I’ll do my best to tolerate you, but I’m not going to be your buddy. In fact, you’re my roommate now. Period.”

“Roommate?” he sneered in disbelief.

My spine stiffened as I shot him a look. “Did I stutter?”

Despite the seriousness, his lips perked up in a smirk. “That’s not going to last very long. You’ll crumble and need me all over again.”

I raised a brow and stared evenly at him. “The truth of the matter is, Carter, you needed me a lot more than I needed you. And that’s something you can’t deny.”

Those lips flattened immediately. His eyes darkened. “Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

He studied me for a moment, and I think he knew I was right. He knew this was too far fucked. That we could never be what we were before. We’d ruined that possibility the second wedecided to take things further. But it was as though he wanted to put the blinders on. He didn’t want to acknowledge the horrible truth. He was going to retreat into his hard shell. He was going to protect himself, and in doing so, he would push me away until I was no longer dangling along the cliff of whatever this thing between us was; I would be soaring off it.

Well, he would have to do this.

I needed to fall. I needed to hurt. I needed to end this madness.

In that moment, as his walls went up, as mine crumbled and I nursed through my heartbreak, I was no longer interested in ever being friends.

Actually, I wasn’t interested in being anything at all to Carter Matheson.

“Fine,” he eventually said, retreating from the kitchen, a look of disdain on his face. He was hiding inside himself. He was letting his wicked out. He was doing as I predicted: pushing me away. “You want to reduce me to a roommate? You’ll get a roommate, Leah. Just remember, be careful what you wish for.”

And with that, he turned and walked away.

Twenty-Six

Winter of 2008

19 years old

School.

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