Page 108 of Leah

I tugged him to me again, and the second he was close enough to kiss, I took his lips against my own, feeling my heart flutter at the groan he sent down my throat. “You can make it up to me,” I whispered, grinning.

His smile was faint as he peered into my eyes. “One day, Leah…”

“One day what, Carter?”

“One day I’ll tell you…”

I didn’t care what he would tell me one day. I wanted his mouth on me everywhere.

He climbed over top of me, I welcomed him in, and the conversation ended. Our clothes hit the floor with haste; he moved between my legs, and I washome.

Thirty-Three

Carter

11 years old

“What happened isn’t your fault,” he said, tears falling from his face.

I’d never seen my father cry before.

Now he was crying every day.

“It was,” I said, sucking in a breath of air. “It was my fault. I should have known where that key was. I thought it was in my pocket. I didn’t know I left it on the dresser when I was changing. I should have put it back in my pocket.”

“She would have found a way into that cabinet regardless.”

“Why did she want to leave us?” I fought the tears with everything inside of me. I hadn’t cried, not once, since I found her dead on the floor, cold and pale. Everyone thought I was all wrong for not crying, but they didn’t know I wanted to hide my pain. If I let it show, her death would be real.

I was so busy pretending, I didn’t realize I’d been building a wall around my heart the entire time.

Dad was doing the opposite. He was angry a lot. He drank a lot. And he was getting frustrated that I’d blocked him out.

I wanted to be alone all the time.

Wanted nothing to do with him or the world that reminded me she’d once lived in it.

“We’ll figure this out—”

“I don’t want to figure anything out!” I shrieked at him.

I pushed him away every day.

I fought with him over everything.

I blamed him.

I hated him.

I was finding a reason to keep the people I loved at arm’s length, so they didn’t hurt me again.

I ignored his pain. I didn’t care he was hurting too.

I didn’t care when we started to lose everything around us.

Not caring made the pain go away.

*

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