Page 50 of Leah

I sat up quickly and moved to the edge of the bed.

“Shit,” I heard him mutter.

I was panting too.

My whole body was slick with sweat. I was shaking and confused beyond belief. My vision was a little cloudy. I shut my eyes and tried to calm my beating heart, but the trembles weren’t going away, even long after my pulse had died down.

“I’m so stupid,” I whispered to myself angrily.

“Why?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I’m sorry,” he then said. “I got carried away.”

“I can’t be here.” I stood up, and my head ached from the sudden move. Fuck, I really did have a lot to drink.

“Leah, don’t go.”

I turned around to face him. He was sitting up, moving slowly to the edge of the bed.

“I see you for a few hours and we’re back to before,” I vented out. “This is unreal. It’s worse than that. It’s shocking!”

“No,” he replied, softly. “It’s that we belong together.”

I let out a fake laugh. “We fucking belong together, Carter? Is that what you just said?”

“It’s exactly what I said.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “You don’t believe in that sort of thing—”

“There was a lot I didn’t believe in,” he cut in sharply. “And that’s because I was young and dumb, Leah, and I didn’t know real loss until you and Dad were gone.”

I rested my hands on my hips and looked out the window. This was all wrong. I was meant to be living my life uninterrupted. All the fucking carnage he caused me, I couldn’t forget all that.

“I don’t want more with you, Carter,” I found myself saying, determined to keep whatever remained of my progress intact. “I can’t handle an ‘us’ anymore. I’ve changed from who I used to be too. I’m different now, and I can’t be that person anymore. I refuse to be weak, dependant, afraid. I can’t be any of those things, Carter.” I was growing hysterical, laying it out there like every word lifted more weight off my heart. “I’m not going back there.Not ever.”

“Okay,” he told me softly, like I was some wild animal that needed to be lulled back into its cage. “Okay, Angel. I understand, alright? I’ll respect that. Just…come back to bed. You’ve had a lot to drink, and you’re tired. I won’t overstep my boundaries again. I promise. Just—come here.”

But I didn’t.

I paced for a while, stumbling over my own damn feet, feeling constricted. My heart was beating fast, my core was still throbbing for release—

Damn him!

“Why are you here?” I found himself asking. I stopped to look at him, pleading for an answer. “Why, Carter?”

He stared at me intently, his chest rising and falling at the same pace mine was. “I told you why.”

I shook my head, blinking back the mist in my eyes as I sucked in a few breaths. “I can’t do this—”

“Leah—”

“You fucked me up, Carter.”

He went quiet for a moment, and then he replied in a choked way, “I know, Angel.”

I shook his head. He didn’t know. Not really.

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