Page 51 of Leah

“Come back,” he continued. “Lay down.”

I eyed him carefully, saw the pleading look in his eyes. I didn’t want to go back to bed. I didn’t want to be near him because he was fucking with my head, but…I was also aware Iwas tipsy drunk, and going anywhere in the state that I was in was unwise.

My shoulders sagged and I walked back to the bed. I collapsed back next to him, and we didn’t speak. The silence returned, and this time it was heavy and uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” he then apologized, contritely.

“You didn’t,” I murmured. “I did that to myself.”

More silence.

Then, “If it makes you feel better, your lips are better than I remember, and I want to thank you for granting me the privilege of kissing them again.”

I was about to laugh at his drivel, until I turned my head and saw how breathless and honest he was.

My heart burst, and tears welled in my eyes.

Jesus Christ, he was actually being serious.

He thought kissing me was a…privilege.

Like it was some grand honour.

“You’re tired,” he then stated.

“Yeah,” I forced out in a tremble.

“Can I hold you? Not kiss you or anything. I just want to hold you.”

Fear tore through me. “I don’t think that’s wise.”

“But we’ve never fallen asleep together before, so you can’t really know. Besides, what’s one night hugging you? I won’t see you for a very long time.”

I paused. He had a point there, and I was still weak. I should have said no. Should have, dammit, but I muttered, “Okay.”

The mattress shifted as he got closer to me. He didn’t speak, not once. Not when he wrapped his arm around me, and not when he pulled me into his embrace. My head nestled against his neck as he bathed me with his warmth. It was undeniably comfortable, and I didn’t want to move.

This was our little bubble we’d just formed, and nothing outside of it was going to change anything. We’d forget about this come morning, and all would be fine again.

I reassured myself of this, and it was sad because he was doing what I’d been dreaming of for so long, and it was too late.

He rubbed my back tenderly, and I sighed into his chest.

Slowly my eyes grew heavier, and I fell into a deep sleep in the comfort of his arms.

Thirteen

Carter

There comes a physical pain in wanting what you can’t have. It’s a lot like a dagger that’s been plunged into your chest, twisting its way into your soul.

I thought being near to Leah would help me, but it was just hurting me instead. It hurt to refrain from wanting to touch her, be with her, and even open my mouth to tell her I wantedmorea second time.

I knew she thought I was crazy. It came out of nowhere to her, but she didn’t know about the countless hours I spent revisiting our time together, realizing how fickle life was. In one blink of an eye, it would be over. We were just dust at the end of the day.

One day nobody would remember us treading the earth, leaving footprints among a muddled sea of others.

We were unmemorable creatures. Fleeting little monsters, born one morning, dead the next. And while it was a depressing as fuck thought to have, it actually put things in perspective.

---