Page 9 of Leah

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It’s one of those moments in your life you don’t think you’re really living. It’s an out of body experience, and that’s what I was feeling, sitting on the couch with an untouched cup of coffee that’d gone cold in my hands. I stared numbly at the television screen, hardly able to concentrate on the moving images.

One minute it was missing, and the next there’d just been a plane crash. They wouldn’t explain what happened, if there were any survivors, how many people were onboard.

Nothing.

They’re not saying anything because they’re all dead.

I shook my head at the irrational thoughts and bit my lip hard. I didn’t want to cry, but the thought of Carter being at the bottom of the Hudson River killed me.

“Why the fuck do they call it news if it’s not even news?” Melanie barked from beside me, angrily texting on her phone.

She looked like a downright mess too. I knew she was texting Rome’s parents. They hadn’t picked up on her phone calls. Hell, they were probably getting a million of them at the moment, but Rome hadn’t boarded the flight.

No one from the band except Carter had.

“I gotta go,” I muttered sometime later, staring absently at the clock.

Melanie looked at me in shock. “Are you serious? Your soulmate’s been in a plane crash, and you want to go make your appointment with your piece of shit aunt?”

“He’s not my soulmate,” I whispered under my breath as I slowly stood up. My legs wobbled a little. My body hadn’t caught up with my brain, it would seem. The turmoil was so astounding, it was almost impossible to hold still.

“Sit back down, she can wait a while longer.”

“No. Look, I’ll be fine. They’ll be airing this shit on the radio—”

“For fuck’s sake, Leah, you can’t seriously be cold-hearted enough not to be by the television to see if they’ve found him—”

“Can’t you see?” I cut in, shouting at her. “I can’t handle sitting here and waiting for them to pull him out of the fucking water, Mel! You think I’m strong enough for that after everything? I’mdyingright now.” My voice broke at the end as I turned away from her and bent down to catch my breath. I gripped the arm of the couch and shut my eyes.

It was all my fault.

None of this would have happened had I just….

Just what?

Let him in?

Mel’s arms wrapped around me, and I sank into her embrace and cried.

“I fucked up,” I sobbed.

“You didn’t fuck up,” she stressed.

“I’m not strong enough for this.”

“You’re the strongest girl I know.”

I shook my head. “Not for this.”

“I know it’s been a long time since you’ve seen him, but I know those feelings haven’t died one bit. Which is why it’s important you watch this.”

I continued to shake my head.

I had a chance, and I blew it.

No, I couldn’t think about that.

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