Page 104 of Leah

I wanted her to be happy.

All bullshit aside, I did care for Cheryl.

“How are you?” she asked me as I finally made it to her.

“Good,” I answered quietly. “You ready to go?”

I didn’t want small chat. I just wanted to get this done fast and make it to Marlena’s house.

“You don’t look so good,” Cheryl remarked. “Is this about that crash with your boy?”

I glanced up at her in surprise. “You heard about that?”

“Everyone’s been talking about it. Don’t you worry, though. I’m sure he’s okay. They found a survivor already. Pulled him out of the water. I bet you it’s him.”

I swallowed hard again. “Yeah, it is.”

“Things happen for a reason.”

“What kind of reason?” I felt silly asking for answers fromherof all people.

“I don’t know. To make you learn to appreciate life more, I suppose.” She puffed out a cloud of smoke before throwing it on the ground and stomping it out. “One minute you’re livin’, and the next you’re not. That’s life.”

“Yeah…”

I helped carry a few boxes, and we loaded it up in the car. Then she took a seat and waited for me. I glanced around the trailer park, remembering at one time how lively it had beenwith kids. My gaze fell on an old, deflated basketball sitting in the middle of a plot of grass.

I used to love watching Carter play.

I used to love Carter, period.

I still do.

A tear escaped as I thought about our moments together. He was my soulmate, and I’d been trying so fucking hard to believe we lived in two different worlds. Our lives were different, sure, but that didn’t mean we weren’t the same people.

I turned to his old trailer, saw a different car parked than the truck his father had been driving. I saw the window I used to climb in and let out a shaky breath.

I missed him.

Iwantedhim.

“Do you ever think it might be too late to fix something?” I asked Cheryl as I opened the car door, my eyes still on that trailer.

“If you don’t try, you’ll never know,” she answered.

*

Marlena and Harold were distraught, but they were happy to receive the news just the same. We cried, pondering the what-ifs, and I could feel Marlena’s penetrating gaze.

“You need to stop wasting any more time,” she told me right before I left. “Love’s painful, but it’s worth it.”

When I got home that night, Melanie got ready for work and left. She didn’t want to leave me alone at first, but I assured her I’d be fine. He was alive, that was what mattered. Had he not been…? Well, I’d have been crumbling.

I sat on the bed for a long while, drowning in the silence as I thought of my next step. I thought I had everything in my life. I was playing it safe, and I…

I supposed I lost myself along the way all over again.

I was tired of living under an illusion.

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