Page 3 of Leah

I knew I shouldn’t because maybe I was going to make things worse—

I kissed her, softly and slowly.

I wanted to remind her of our first kiss.

Wanted her to remember that for me, when I kissed her in that bedroom all those years ago, I wanted to take it slow; I wanted to savour her lips because I’d dreamt of kissing this mouth the moment I’d laid eyes on her.

And this felt fucked.

And wrong.

And why was I fucking doing this?

I didn’t know, but when I opened my eyes and stared into hers, I felt that tether between us tighten, like it was resisting the sever.

“I’ll see you,” I told her.

She flashed that smile at me, the one that was loaded with hurt. I’d come to know this smile well—

What was wrong with me?

Why couldn’t I have been normal for her?

Panicked, I took a step back, unable to look back at her anymore.

When I climbed into that van, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was running. Running from my past.

From Leah.

From my own fucking self.

One second she was in my arms, the next we were driving away. It was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I shut my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, gripping the ends so hard, hoping to dispel the pain in my chest by feeling it elsewhere.

She had fought for us, and I—

I would never find someone like her again.

“What am I doing?” I whispered as the distance continued to grow between us. “What the fuck are you doing, Carter?”

While I fought to shield my heart from pain, she had given me hers, and I had crushed it.

And now she was going to slip through my fingers, and I was going to let her because—

I fucking deserved this.

*

I awoke in the night, the soft patter of rain on the roof, the fan on full force in the corner of the room. The stagnant breeze hit me as I lay still, my heart pulsing through my chest, the sweat trickling down my face.

I groaned, clutching at my chest, whispering, “Leah…”

I just needed to get up, get my legs to move, visit her in bed, maybe slide into it like I used to when she didn’t know. How many nights had I held her to me, feeling whole in the darkness?

I rolled to my side and slid out of bed, my legs heavy as my feet hit the cold floor. I knew something was wrong as I trudged out of the room, still dazed, intent on finding her—

She’s gone.

I went dead still, looking into the darkness but seeing nothing but the past flitting through my mind.

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