Page 36 of Shameless Royalty

She sets the spoon down again, turning to lean against the counter with her arms crossed. “Connor,” she says, her voice softer now. “Talk to me.”

I glance at her, the weight of her gaze pressing down on me. I know she won’t let it go, and the truth is, I kind of need this—someone to talk to, even if I can’t tell her everything.

“They’re stubborn,” I say finally, the words coming out slower. “They push back on everythin’, and it’s like they’re tryin’ to piss me off on purpose. But then sometimes…” I trail off, shaking my head. “Sometimes they let their guard down, and it’s like I see this whole other side of them, and it’s… I don’t know. It’s fuckin’ annoying.”

She watches me for a long moment, her expression unreadable. Then she smiles—soft, knowing, and just a little smug. “You like them.”

I stiffen. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do,” she says, her voice full of conviction. “You wouldn’t be this worked up if you didn’t.”

I scowl, looking away. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure it’s not,” she says, but there’s no judgment in her tone. She pushes off the counter, moving to sit across from me. “Connor, love, you’ve always been shite at admittin’ when you care about someone.”

I glare at her, but it’s half-hearted at best. “I don’t care about them. They’re just… part of the job.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, resting her chin on her hand. “And does this ‘job’ usually make your ears turn red when you talk about it?”

I groan, slumping back in the chair. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” she says, grinning. “But you do have feelings for someone, and it’s scarin’ the absolute piss out of you.”

I shake my head, but her words hit too close to home. “It’s not like that,” I say again, but even I can hear the lack of conviction in my voice.

“A stór,” she says, her tone gentler now. “Whoever they are, whatever this is… just don’t lie to yourself about it, alright? You’ve got enough on your plate without addin’ self-denial to the list.”

I don’t answer, staring at the table as her words sink in. She’s wrong. She has to be. Because if she’s not… Well, I’m in even deeper trouble than I thought.

“Ican’tlike them, Ma,” I admit with a sigh. “Likin’ them… feelin’ anything for them, would be the biggest betrayal.”

I don’t elaborate on what that betrayal is. I can’t, or she’ll know I’m talking about betraying Da and the family.

Ma doesn’t say anything at first. She just watches me, her sharp eyes cutting right through all the bullshit I’ve been telling myself. Then she exhales, long and slow, before getting up and walking back to the stove. The sound of the spoon against the saucepan fills the silence between us. It’s almost comforting. Almost.

When she turns back to me and finally speaks, her voice is quieter than before. “And why’s that?”

I don’t answer right away. I don’t know how to. I scrub a hand down my face, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on my chest. “Because it would be wrong.”

She scoffs. “Wrong accordin’ to who?”

I shoot her a look. “You know who.”

Her lips press into a thin line, and for a moment, she just stares at the bubbling sauce like it holds the answers. “Your father?” she asks, though we both know the answer.

I nod, my jaw tight. “And the family.”

She makes a sound in the back of her throat, something between a scoff and a sigh. “Ah, the great and mighty Cunningham name,” she murmurs. “So that’s what’s got you in knots, is it? You’re worried about what your da would think?”

I huff out a bitter laugh. “You know how he is.”

“I do,” she says, turning back to me. “I know how much weight he puts on duty and loyalty. But Connor, love… do you?”

I frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She walks over, pulling out the chair across from me again. She doesn’t sit right away, just rests her hands on the back of it. “It means, do you even know what loyalty really is? Or have you just been followin’ his definition of it?”

That throws me. My stomach twists uncomfortably, but I keep my expression blank. “Loyalty is puttin’ family first.”

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