Page 137 of Shameless Royalty

Malachi’s lips press into a thin line. “And now?”

I take another step toward him, closing the distance until I’m right in front of him. “Now I know what it feels like to fuckin’ lose you.” My voice breaks on the last word, and I don’t care. Idon’t care how fucking desperate I sound, how wrecked I look, how much I’m giving him right now.

Because Iamdesperate. Because Iamwrecked.

I let out a shaky breath, staring down at him. “I almost fuckin’ died.”

His breath catches, barely a sound, but I hear it. For a second, just a second, his mask slips, and I see it. I see the fucking ache there, the same one I’ve been drowning in for months.

“I got stabbed. I was bleedin’ out thinkin’ I wasn’t gonna make it.” I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head. “And you know what I was thinkin’ while I was lyin’ there in my own fuckin’ blood?”

I close the distance and he steps back, his calves hitting the edge of his bed. “I wasn’t thinkin’ about the Crowns. I wasn’t thinking about my father, about my family or about the empire I was born to rule.” My throat tightens. “I was thinkin’ about you.”

Malachi lowers himself down onto the bed, his eyes still locked on mine.

“I was thinkin’ about how I left you behind,” I rasp. “How I never told you what you fuckin’ meant to me. How I was never comin’ back, and you’d never even know that I died loving you.”

He grips the edge of the bed like he needs something to ground himself when I drop to my knees in front of him, my hands bracing against his thighs.

“I love you, Malachi.” The words tear out of me like they’ve been caged too long. “And I didn’t fuckin’ know it until I lost you.”

His lips part, his fingers twitch, his chest rises and falls too fast. But he doesn’t move. He doesn’t push me away. “I’ve never had somethin’ to lose before,” I continue. “I’ve never had someone who meant more to me than the crown I wear. More than my fuckin’ legacy.”

I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, inhaling deeply. “And me just sayin’ that—justadmittin’that out loud—would brand me as a traitor.” I force myself to look at him again, my throat tight. “It would get me killed.”

His jaw clenches. “You don’t mean that.”

I let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “You think I don’t?”

He doesn’t answer and I drop my voice lower, leaning in. “You think if I had to choose between you and this fuckin’ world, I wouldn’t burn it all down for you?”

His fingers twitch against his knee, and I don’t miss the way his breathing stutters. But he still doesn’t say anything. I lift one of my hands, pressing it lightly against the side of his neck, feeling the unsteady pulse beneath his skin.

“I fucked up,” I whisper, my thumb brushing against his cheek. “I failed you,mo stóirín. I should have been better. And I realize now that I don’t even deserve you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fuckin’ fight for you.”

His whole body is stiff like he’s bracing for something. Like he’s fighting himself as much as he’s fighting me. I move even closer, so fucking close our noses almost brush.

“I love you, Malachi,” I murmur, my thumb brushing his jaw. “Tell me I haven’t lost you for good.”

He swallows hard. “Connor...”

My hand tightens slightly. “Tell me.”

His lips part and his body tenses beneath my touch, his breath shaky. I lean in closer, pressing my forehead against his, my own breath uneven. “Baby,” I whisper, the word slipping out like a plea.

His eyes squeeze shut, and for a second, I think he’s going to push me away, but he doesn’t. He just sits there, his hands curled into fists, his breathing rough, his body trembling slightly.

I press my lips against his temple, lingering there, breathing him in, grounding myself in the fact that he’s here. That he’s not pushing me out of his life completely.

Not yet.

I know I still have to prove myself. I know I still have to earn him back.

But I will.

No matter what it takes, I’ll get my boy back.

Chapter 54

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