Page 104 of Truck Hard

“But he did,” Julie interjects gently. “You’re here now. You survived.”

I nod, wiping at my eyes. “Charlie’s in jail. He violated the restraining order and hit me again. He’ll be there for a while this time. I should feel free, but—”

“But you’re still afraid.” Jenny finishes for me. “Still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Yes.” The word comes out on a sob. “And there’s… there’s someone else. Someone good. Someone who loves me, who wants to help. But I keep pushing him away because I’m terrified of letting anyone that close again.”

“Tell us about him.” Sarah encourages. “This good man.”

A watery laugh escapes me. “His name is Liam. We were together in high school, before Charlie. He’s… he’s actually my son’s biological father.” Several eyebrows raise at that, but no one interrupts. “He’s everything Charlie wasn’t. Patient, kind, gentle. He makes me feel safe.”

“But?” Maria prompts.

“But what if I’m wrong? What if I’m so broken I can’t tell the difference anymore? What if—” My voice breaks. “What if I let him in and he realizes I’m not worth the trouble?”

“Oh honey.” Julie reaches over to squeeze my hand. “That’s the abuse talking. Those thoughts aren’t yours—they’re the poison your ex put in your head.”

“She’s right.” Jenny adds. “I used to think the same things. That I was damaged goods, that no one would want me once they knew my past. But that’s what they wanted us to believe. It’s how they kept us under their control.”

Sarah leans forward in her chair. “Hannah, can I ask you something? When you’re with Liam, how do you feel? Not what you think you should feel, or what you’re afraid of feeling. Just… how does he make you feel?”

I close my eyes, letting myself remember. Liam’s arms around me as we worked on the house. His proud smile watching Cam play baseball. The way he kissed me by the lake, like I was precious and strong all at once.

“Safe,” I whisper. “Like I can breathe again. Like maybe I deserve to be happy.”

“You do deserve to be happy,” Sarah says firmly. “We all do. That’s why we’re here—to remind each other of that truth when we forget.”

“But how?” I ask, hating how small my voice sounds. “How do I trust those feelings when I was so wrong before?”

“You trust them because they’re real,” Maria says. “Because they’re yours, not someone else’s. Charlie tried to convince you that you couldn’t trust your own judgment, right?” I nod. “That’s what abusers do. They make us doubt ourselves so we’ll rely on them instead. But you knew something was wrong even then, didn’t you? You just couldn’t act on it yet.”

“I…” The realization hits me hard. “Yes. I always knew. Even that first time he hit me, part of me knew it would only get worse. But I stayed anyway.”

“Because you were trapped,” Jenny says. “Because he isolated you and made you believe you had no choice. But you’renot trapped anymore, Hannah. You’re free to trust your instincts again.”

“And what if my instincts are telling me to run?” The question comes out before I can stop it. “What if every time Liam gets close, every time he shows me how much he cares, I panic?”

“That’s normal.” Sarah assures me. “Your body and mind are still in survival mode. It’s going to take time to reprogram those responses.” She pauses, considering. “But maybe instead of running, you could try talking to him about it? Tell him what you’re feeling, why it’s hard? If he’s really the good man you say he is, he’ll understand and wait.”

The thought makes my chest tight with anxiety. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Start with the truth.” Julie suggests. “Tell him exactly what you told us—that you want to let him in but you’re scared. Like Sarah said, a good man will understand that. He’ll give you the time and space you need to heal.”

“What if he gets tired of waiting?” I can’t quite keep the fear out of my voice.

“Then he’s not the right person for you,” Sarah says simply. “But from what you’ve told us about him, I don’t think that’s going to be the case.”

The other women nod in agreement. Jenny reaches over to touch my arm. “You survived hell and came out the other side. Don’t let fear keep you from finding happiness now that you’re free.”

More tears spill down my cheeks, but they feel different this time. Cleansing somehow, like rain washing away the last traces of Charlie’s influence.

“Thank you,” I whisper, looking around the circle at these amazing women who’ve opened their hearts to a stranger. “I didn’t… I didn’t know how much I needed this.”

“That’s why we’re here,” Sarah says warmly. “Same time next week?”

I nod, managing a small smile. “I’d like that.”

As the meeting wraps up, several women come to hug me or share their phone numbers. “Text anytime.” Julie insists. “Day or night. We’ve all been where you are.”

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