Page 37 of Be With Me

Embarrassment swept through me. It was a learned reaction from my past relationship, and I recognized that. There was no reason for the shame I was feeling. I was a full-grown woman, and there was nothing wrong with two consenting adults enjoying each other’s bodies. And yet, I felt like a teenager being turned away by my crush I’d finally managed to coerce into a dark corner at a party because he had no better options but decided I just wasn’t worth it.

His hands came to either side of my face and he lifted my head, forcing me to look at him. “No, ‘lee. Don’t do that. Don’t do that, sweetheart.”

I tried to look away. Unable to say anything around all the thoughts cluttered in my head and my blood still screaming through my veins, needing release.

But he wouldn’t let me. “Look at me. Look at me.”

I raised my eyes, fighting back tears.

“This thing that’s happening right here, this thing between us. God, Ailee. It’s like nothing I’ve ever fucking experienced before. You make me feel like I would fight anyone who would dare to look at you the wrong way, and at the same time I want to fall to my knees every time you walk into the room. There is nothing, nothing, I want more than to back you up against this wall and push deep inside of you, but I won’t cheapen what we have by sharing this with anyone who might walk around the corner.”

I finally found my voice. “I’d be okay with that.”

He laughed, a rich, deep sound of pure joy that brought a smile to my face and set my heart to pounding.

When he finally sobered, he searched my face again. “Let’s go find somewhere a little more quiet where we can be alone.”

“We can go to my place. It’s closer.”

He smiled and his eyes softened. “Yeah. Let’s go to your place.”

The bus ride home took three hundred and twenty years. Tyler sat in the aisle seat, his body turned toward me to block the view of his hand working its way up my thigh and his eyes hungrily devouring my body. But eventually, I was opening the door to my apartment and Tyler was following me inside.

I took off my coat and laid it over the kitchen chair, then turned to watch Tyler as he did the same, feeling suddenly shy. “Would you like something to drink?”

He touched my jaw with his fingertips. “That would be great. Do you have any coffee?”

“I have tea?”

“That’ll work.”

After all the hot and heavy outside the casino, my anxiety was back. Tyler seemed to sense it, backing off and pulling out a chair. He sat down at my kitchen table, looking for all the world like he belonged there as I made our tea.

“So. How long were you married?”

His cup rattled as I set it down on the table, and a little of it sloshed onto the table. “Shit.” I grabbed a sponge from the sink and brought it over along with my cup, which I managed to set down without spilling tea.

He took the sponge from me and cleaned it up himself. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“No, no. It’s just…I wasn’t expecting to talk about that.”

“We don’t have to.” He stood and took the sponge over to the sink. “We can talk about something else if you’re not comfortable. I was just curious.”

“No. It’s okay. I don’t mind.” At least he’d managed to shock me out of my pre-sex anxiety. Like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head. “I was married for fourteen years.”

He stared at me over the rim of his cup. “That’s a long time.” Taking a sip, he set his tea back onto the table and wrapped his hands around the cup. Elbows on the table, he leaned toward me. “I have another question.”

“What’s that?”

He cocked his head to the side. “Are you ready for me? For someone else to be in your life?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Define ‘ready’.” Then I smiled to break the tension as I stared into his dark eyes, steady on my face as he patiently waited for my answer. Was I ready? “I honestly don’t know.” I took a breath. “I worked really hard to be where I am now. Independent. Happy. I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up.”

“Who says you would have to give any of that up, Ailee?”

I thought hard about that answer. Wouldn’t I, though? If I had someone in my life again, I would lose a part of myself.

“What about your kids? What would they think about having someone like me in your life?”

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