Page 45 of Be With Me

Chapter 15

Tyler

Squinting against the bright sunlight, I rolled over to look at the clock…

And fell from the couch onto the floor, banging my head on the edge of the coffee table. “Fuckin’ hell!” The words were thick on my tongue. On my hands and knees, I raised my head and stared at the two empty mugs in front of me. There was a bowl shoved off to the side with a few popcorn kernels left in the bottom.

I groaned as my head throbbed like I’d just gotten off of a three-week bender. “What the fuck?”

A long tongue licked a wet trail up my face and I closed my eyes again before it jabbed me in one and reached for my dog. “Hey, buddy.” The sense of panic that had been swiftly rising within me subsided as I received the best good morning a guy could get, other than if Ailee was here, maybe.

I eyed the mugs again. Had she been here? Did she even know where I live? I guess she would being she was the one who sent me my checks. Willow was the only other person who came by on the regular, and she was a caffeine junkie through and through. Coffee only for that girl. The stronger, the better.

Snickers let out a yip and jumped up to lick me again. “All right, all right. Whatcha need, buddy?” I got up and headed into the kitchen to check his food and water.

But he had other plans. The pup half ran, half skidded to the back door and did a little dance, his nails clicking on the tiles.

“Ah, I get it.” I opened the patio door for him, leaving it open so he could come back in when he was ready.

My phone was lying on the counter and I picked it up. The battery was down to five percent, and I had two missed calls from Ailee and a text message from my sister. I glanced at the screen again as I walked back to my room. Was it too early to call Ailee back?

It was eight in the morning, on Wednesday, September 18th .

Wednesday.

I stopped just inside my room. That couldn’t be right. If it was, I’d missed the first day of classes. The last thing I remembered was leaving Ailee’s place on Friday night.

What had I done after I’d left? On legs stiff from being crunched up on the couch, I hobbled to the bed and sat down as I tried to figure out why this was happening again. In some distant recess of my brain, it occurred to me that it had been made. I never made my bed. Didn’t see the point. My heart began to pound so hard I thought it was gonna break through my ribcage and my head felt light. The world began to spin around me, and I forced myself to breathe.

Just breathe.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on each inhale and exhale. When I opened them again, I was staring at my lap…

At a baby blue shirt I didn’t remember owning, and pants that were way too tight on my legs.

I jumped up from the bed, still staring down at myself. “What the actual fuck??” Tearing off the sweatshirt, I rounded the bed to get another one from my dresser—one I would fucking remember wearing—and came up short at the sight of a table beneath the window.

Slowly, I approached it, almost afraid at what I would find.

It was covered with drawings. Pictures of rooms and furniture and fireplaces, all different versions of the same room. Looking closer, I realized these were all drawings of my living room, with the furniture rearranged and with different decor. Yeah. There was the big window, and the shape of the room was exactly the same.

Dropping the drawing in my hand, I backed away from the table. I didn’t even know how the fuck the thing had gotten in here.

Okay. Okay. Stay cool. It’s okay. But it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t fucking okay at all.

I picked up the sweatshirt from where I’d dropped it on the floor and pulled off the pants, dropping them both into the corner near the laundry basket. I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Naked, I strode across my room and straight into the shower. By the time I came out, I was a little bit calmer.

I needed to go see a doctor. There was no denying it anymore. Something was seriously wrong with me. And it wasn’t a drinking problem. I had no alcohol in my apartment. I’d had a few glasses of wine with Ailee, but that was nowhere near enough to cause blackouts that lasted for days. And I don’t think I’d hit the bars after leaving her place, if any had even been open that late. Mostly because I’d made it home and hadn’t woken up behind a Dumpster or worse.

Still naked, I found my phone on the bed and plugged it in, then I threw on some jeans and a black T-shirt and grabbed my laptop from the floor where it was charging. I didn’t know why it was there. I usually kept it in the living room. But at this point, I wasn’t questioning it. I’d drive myself fucking insane.

With a small shake of my head, I sat on the bed and flipped it open. There was no password needed to log on, and I was grateful, because I don’t think I could’ve remembered it for the life of me. I found the website I had bookmarked months ago when I’d first realized this shit was happening to me. Someone different from my regular doctor. Unlike then, I actually made an appointment for later that same day.

Four hours later, I walked into the new doctor’s office. Studying my previous records, he quickly ruled out any kind of physical problem, and I was shuffled straight to the office of a counselor who specialized in trauma. Two hours after that, I was heading home. But I had an appointment the next day with a therapist the counselor knew and recommended.

I called Ailee while I waited for the bus. She didn’t answer, and I was glad. I wasn’t sure I could sound normal if I spoke to her directly. I left her a message, telling her I had to go out of town for a while to help my folks, and I’d call her as soon as I could. I had no idea when that would be, but it was the best I could come up with. I didn’t know yet what was going on with me, but I did know there was something.

For the first time in a long time, I felt a glimmer of hope alongside the fear.

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