Page 50 of Be With Me

“Ailee, we need to talk.”

I stilled, buried my nose in the warmth of his skin and inhaled deep, pulling his scent deep into me. Maybe it was better to get it over with. Rip off the Band-Aid. “Okay,” I said into his chest.

“Let’s go get some tea, and we can talk in the kitchen.”

I stiffened. This wasn’t good. Oh my God. He was dying. Or moving. Or leaving me forever in some shape or form. With a reluctant sigh, I moved off of him.

Just as reluctantly, he let me go.

Tyler pulled on his jeans as I went into the bathroom to clean up. When I came out, he was gone, so I threw on my long shirt and joined him in the kitchen. He was shirtless and barefoot at the stove, turning on the burner beneath the tea kettle when I walked in. He eyed my shirt for a second, his face carefully blank, before he came over and took my hand. Turning it over, he kissed the center of my palm, then brushed the hair from my face. His eyes softened for a moment as he looked at me.

“So, why don’t you just lay it on me,” I blurted out. “I can’t stand the suspense anymore. Although,” I quickly got in before he could say anything. “I’d just like to put it out there that I really fucking hate you for making me care if you’re just going to leave me.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise. “What? Who said I was leaving you?”

“Aren’t you?” If he wasn’t leaving me, then why were his shoulders so stiff and little worry lines creasing his forehead?

“No, sweetheart. Not unless you make me go.” The tea kettle whistled. He ignored it, dropping his head to brush his lips against mine. Then with a sigh, he finally said, “Want to sit and I’ll get our tea?”

Grateful I didn’t have to depend on my legs anymore to hold me up, I dropped into the nearest chair and waited for Tyler to join me. My mind was racing, thinking up every worst-case scenario I could imagine. I took a breath and steeled myself. All I could do was wait for him to fill me in.

He joined me at the table, setting a cup in front of me. Steam rose from the surface and I pulled it to me, inhaling the sweet notes of rooibos and cinnamon. Halsey was still playing over the speaker. I should go shut it off, or at least take it off repeat.

Tyler cleared his throat. “So, first. I need to come clean about something.”

Shit. Here it comes. I never should’ve gotten involved with a younger guy. I knew it. As mature as he normally came across, he still had oats to sew. Why didn’t I listen to me?

“I wasn’t out of town. I was here, in Seattle. And I’m so sorry I lied to you about that. I just needed some time.”

Okay. That wasn’t so bad. “Time for what?” I don’t know why I asked, because I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know.

He took a sip of his tea, then pressed his lips together for a moment before telling me, “As you kinda know, I’ve been having some…I don’t know…episodes? Some even worse than what you’ve seen.” He paused. “Ailee, I’ve been having blackouts. Sometimes for days.”

“Blackouts? From what?” It was a tumor. I knew it.

He tried to laugh, but it was more a burst of frustration. “I don’t fucking know. For a while, I thought I was some kind of closet alcoholic, waking up behind dumpsters and on other people’s couches. I just never remembered actually starting to drink. I couldn’t remember where I’d been. What I’d done.” His eyes met mine. “I’d just get up, get back to life, and try to forget that it ever happened because honestly, it freaked me the hell out. And each time I’d just hope and pray it wouldn’t happen again…

“But now there are things happening in my life. Good things. Fucking great things.” A sweet smile curled his lips as he looked at me. “And after seeing you again...” His eyes darkened. “I wanted you the first time we met, Ailee. I still want you. Even now, my heart is pounding in my fucking chest just looking at you.”

I had no doubt it was true. I could see it in his eyes, black as night. My breath caught as my stomach flipped over. I still wasn’t used to such intense declarations.

“But even after we started seeing each other, I tried to ignore it, hoping somehow things would get back to normal, but it didn’t. I was scared, Ailee.” Fear tightened his features.

I reached out to him, touching his hand.

“I’m not a fucking alcoholic. I knew it then and I know it now. But something was going on with me, and I knew I needed to get a grip on this if I was going to be any good at all for you, so I went to see my doctor, which led to me being referred to a therapist.”

“A therapist? For what?” Relief made me weak. I’d really thought he was dying. Therapy, I could handle. Maybe he had anxiety or something.

“We think I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID.” The words rushed out, like he was afraid if he didn’t just get them out there, he would never be able to say them.

Everything stilled around me. Over the sound of the music, I heard raindrops hitting the window. One of the neighbors closed their door, jingling their keys. The clock on the stove ticked. Before the blood rushed through my ears, muting it all behind a wall of disbelief.

Tyler chewed his lower lip, studying me closely for my reaction. When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “It’s caused by a severe trauma that happens in childhood. Um,” He squinted one eye like his head hurt. “I don’t know what that trauma was, I can’t remember. It’s something we’re working on. But whatever it was that happened to me, it was enough that my brain needed to protect me from it to survive. To do that, it created other people—alters—to handle what I couldn’t. Basically. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’m making no fucking sense.” He put his elbows on the table and rubbed his temples.

He was explaining himself well enough. Pictures of him as a young child with big, brown eyes and shaggy, dark hair came to mind, and my heart splintered in my chest at the thought of that child enduring something so horrific that his body took over and protected him the only way it could. I’d taken my share of Psych classes. I knew exactly how horrific those experiences had to have been. Had he been abused?

Tyler’s face blurred before me, and I felt wetness on my cheeks. “You have multiple personalities?”

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