Page 19 of Be With Me

Chapter 7

Tyler

“Ido not have a girlfriend,” I told her. And that was the truth. In high school, I’d dated a girl for about six months, and that was the closest I’d ever gotten to having a long-term girlfriend. I loved women, but when I was in college I was too worried about my classes and too tired from studying to put in the effort for anything beyond casual dating. And when I needed a feminine ear to listen to me, my sister had always been there. “The only other woman I hang out with is my sister. She’s an important part of my life. Sort of like…an emotional support person.”

Ailee laughed. “You’re comparing your sister to a dog?”

The sound of her laughter warmed my heart, even if I was the brunt of the joke. “Not all emotional support animals are dogs. Some are cats. Or rodents. I saw one guy with a peacock once.” I couldn’t help it. I grinned.

One eyebrow lifted and she gave me her “don’t bullshit me” face.

I tried not to laugh. “I’m dead serious.” She still didn’t seem to believe me, but she let the peacock comment go. “No, but really, she watches out for me. I’d really love for you to meet her.”

“So, what’s the big, terrible thing you have to tell me?”

“What makes you think it’s bad?”

“If it wasn’t, you would’ve told me by now. And the fact that you haven’t is making me kinda nervous.”

I leaned forward, forcing her to look at me. “I’m not a serial killer or anything, Ailee. Nothing like that.”

“Drug addict? Alcoholic? Felon?”

I shook my head. “No. At least not that I know of.”

Again with the eyebrow. “That you know of?”

How to tell her what was going on without sounding like I just escaped from a mental institution? Or that I needed to be in one? I took a sip of my coffee, stalling for time. Maybe it was too soon. I didn’t even know myself what the hell was going on with me, and the last thing I wanted to do was scare her off. Not when I finally had a chance to be with her.

Besides, what the fuck was I going to say? Oh, by the way, if I ever happen to not call when I say I’m going to or I stand you up or something it’s not because I’m a douche, it’s just that I’ve been having these episodes where I completely black out and wake up behind trash cans stinking of whiskey and women I may or may not have fucked because I can’t remember…The thought sobered me. I needed to go get tested.

“Tyler? What is it?” Her voice was hushed, concerned.

I was worrying her, and that was the last thing I wanted. My mind spun. Now that I’d opened this can of worms, I needed to tell her something. Anything.

Maybe not everything.

I put down my cup. “Ailee, I’ve got something going on. Some…health stuff.” I raised my hand at her look of alarm and shook my head. “It’s nothing serious.” I hope. “But I just wanted you to know about it in case you hear anything.” Like if I end up in jail.

“What kind of ‘health stuff’?” Almost immediately, she waved away her question. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”

I grabbed her hand from the air and pulled it toward me. “It is your business. I want it to be your business. I want everything about me to be your business.” She tried to pull her hand from my grip and I let her go, wrapping my own back around my cup to replace the warmth she’d just stolen from me. “It’s…” I paused. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with me, yet. I have a doctor’s appointment set up. I’ve just been having some episodes.” I laughed self-consciously. “I don’t know how to explain it without making me sound like one of those people you see on TV. All I know is leaving my house probably isn’t the greatest idea these days.”

“Like Agoraphobia? You have anxiety issues? Though that doesn’t really make sense if you’re sitting here in public with me.”

I exhaled, frustration twisting my insides and sharpening my movements as I sat back in my chair. A flash of pain tore at my skull and I took another breath as I rubbed my temples for a few seconds. “Look, there’s more to it than that. I think maybe I had some hard stuff in my life, or something. I don’t really remember. And it might be causing some issues.” I dropped my hands back down to my cup. “But it’s not something I want to share right now. Is that okay? I just wanted to let you know that something is up with me, and it has nothing at all to do with you or what’s happening between us.”

She stared at me hard for a few seconds, and I wished so much that I could read what was going on in her head. “So, Willow is your support person.”

“Willow is my sister. My older sister. Not blood, but we grew up together in the same foster home. She still thinks she needs to take care of me.”

Ailee gave me a strange little smile, then stared down into her cup. “I don’t know, Tyler. I don’t know if I can be one of those women.”

“What kind of women are those?”

“I’m not a mother figure who’s going to take care of you. And I’m not the kind of person that comes between another woman and the man she loves.”

Was I missing something here? “Didn’t you hear what I said? Willow is my sister, Ailee. There’s nothing like that between us.”

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